Hette Jokes / Recent Jokes

Moshe’s mother - 1
Moshe’s mother, Hette, once gave him two sweaters for Hanukkah. The next time Moshe visited his mother, he made sure he was wearing one of them. As he entered her house, instead of the expected smile, Hette said, "What`s the matter, Moshe? You didn`t like the other one?"

Moshe’s mother - 2
Moshe calls his mother and asks, "How are you?"
"Not too good," Hette says. "I`m feeling very weak."
"Why, mother? "
Hette says, "Because I haven`t eaten in 23 days."
Moshe replies, "That`s terrible, mother. Why haven`t you eaten in 23 days?"
Hette answers, "because I didn`t want my mouth should be filled with food if you should call!"

The unhappy woman
One day, whilst Hette Levine was out shopping in Brent Cross, she noticed an old lady sitting on a bench sobbing her eyes out. Hette stopped and asked her what was wrong.
The old lady said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
Hette said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
The old lady continued, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite cake and then makes love to me for half the afternoon".
Hette asked again, "Well, why are you crying?"
The old lady continued, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favourite dessert and then makes love to me until 2 o’clock in the morning.
Hette asked yet again, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
The old lady replied, "I can`t remember where I live!"

The holiday
Michael and Hetty, an elderly couple, are on holiday in Devon when they decide to take a drive into the countryside. Hette is driving when she gets stopped by a traffic policeman.
The officer comes up to the car and says to her, “Madam, did you know you were speeding?”
Hette turns to Michael and asks him, “What did he say?”
Michael yells back at her, “He says you were speeding.”
The policeman then says to Hette, “May I see your driving licence?”
Hette turns to Michael and asks him, “What did he say?”
Michael yells back at her, “He wants to see your driving licence.”
So Hette gives the officer her licence.
The policeman looks at the licence and then says, “Ah. I see you are both from Golders Green in London. I spent some time there many years ago and I’ll always remember the time that I went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I have ever seen in my life.”
Hette turns to Michael and asks him, more...

The curse
Shirley sat next to Hette, a middle aged lady, in shul one Shabbos. She couldn’t help but notice Hette’s wonderful, huge diamond ring on her wedding finger. Shirley sat there staring at it but couldn’t hold out any longer and said to Hette, “I hope you don’t mind me saying this but I just have to let you know that I think that your ring is the most beautiful ring I have ever seen.”
“Oy vay,” said Hette. “Thank you for saying that. This definitely is a beautiful diamond ring, but unfortunately, it has a curse as well.”
“What do you mean?” said Shirley.
Hette replied, “Don’t you know that this is the Katz diamond?”
Shirley replied, “The Katz diamond?”
“Yes, the Katz diamond, and the Katz diamond has a curse.”
“But what ever is this curse?” asked Shirley.
“Mr Katz.”