Hick Jokes / Recent Jokes
The South Carolina State Police received reports of illegal cock fights being held out in the parish near Goose Creek, and duly dispatched Detective Thibideaux to investigate. Thibideaux reported to his sergeant the next morning.
"Dey is tree main groups in dis cock fightin," Thibideaux began.
"Good work Thibideaux! Who dey be?" the sergeant asked. Thibideaux replied confidently, "De Polacks, de Cajuns, and de Mafia."
Puzzled, the sergeant asked, "How you find dat out in one night?"
"Well," said Thibideaux, "I went down and done seed dat cock fight,I knowed de Polacks was involved whan a duck was entered in de fight."
The sergeant nodded. "Oh yeah, l see dat, but what' bout de others?"
Thibideaux intoned knowingly, "Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved whan sumbody bet on de duck."
"Ah," sighed the sergeant. "Dat more...
Billy-Bob was walking into town one day wearing nothing but his gun and his boots. Just as he began walking down Main Street he was confronted by the Sheriff.' 'Hey, Billy-Bob, ya mind if I ask you what you are doin' walkin' down Main Street wearin' nothin' but your gunbelt and boots?''
''Well Sheriff,it's a long story.''
''I ain't going nowhere,'' said the Sheriff.
''Well Sheriff, a couple hours ago I ran into Mary Lou in the saloon. We had ourselves a couple of drinks and then we started to feelin' kinda frisky and Mary Lou said,' Why don't we go out to the barn?' So we did. Then we started getting real close and cuddin' and smoochin' and Mary Lou said,' Why don't we go out back and go up to the top of the hill.' So we did. He continued,' 'We started cuddlin' and smoochin' some more and the next thing I know, Mary Lou had taken off all her clothes and she suggested that I do the same. So I did, all except my gunbelt and boots. Then Mary Lou laid down more...
An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.
Ma'am, I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy.
Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home.
That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his balls. I consider that animal abuse. That's cruelty to animals. Have your husband take care of that right away!
Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.' Well, dear, what exactly did he say?'
' He said the reflector is broken.'
' I can fix that in two minutes. What else?'
' I'm not sure, Jacob. .. something about the emergency brake...'
Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob
(last) (_) Billy-Joe
(_) Billy-Ray
(_) Billy-Sue
(_) Billy-Mae
(_) Billy-Jack
(_) Billy-Jefferson
(Check appropriate box)
Age: ____
Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A
Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right
Occupation:
(_)Farmer
(_)Mechanic
(_)Hair Dresser
(_)Un-employed
Spouse's Name: __________________________
Relationship with spouse:
(_) Sister
(_) Brother
(_) Aunt
(_) Uncle
(_) Cousin
(_) Mother
(_) Father
(_) Son
(_) Daughter
(_) Pet
Number of children living in household: ___
Number that are yours: ___
Mother's Name: _______________________
Father's Name: _______________________ (If not
sure, leave blank)
Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade
completed)
Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home?
(Check appropriate more...
A red neck couple was having some marital problems. The problem was the old man farted all the time. The old woman said " Honey if you keep on breaking wind like the you are going to blow your guts out"
The old man didn't listen and kept on breaking wind. Well on one thanksgiving morning the old woman was fixing a turkey when she got a hold of an idea. She took the guts out of the turkey and placed them behind her old man while he lay asleep and snuck on back to the kitchen and finished the turkey.
All of a sudden she heard her old man let out a blood curdling scream. She knew why he was screaming so she got a hold of her self and walked to the bed room to check out her old man. When she did she was surprised, because he was standing up against the wall sweating and panting. She asked him" Honey what is all commotion"
He said " Honey you was right, you said that if I keep on breaking wind. I would blow out my guts and this more...
A farmer in his pickup truck in Alabama was driving across a bridge when he noticed a man standing on the rail of the bridge ready to jump to his death in the river below. The man stopped his truck ran up to the man and said,' Hey fellow, why are you doing this?'
The man replied,' Well, I have nothing to live for.'
The Alabama man replied,' Well, think of your wife and children!'
The jumper replied,' I have no wife or children.'
The Alabama man then said,' Well, then think of your mother and father!'
The man replied,' Mom and Dad passed on many years back.'
The Alabama man then said,' Well, think of General Robert E. Lee!'
The would-be jumper replied,' Who?'
With that the Alabama man said,' Jump, you stupid Yankee, jump'
A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster "Ok, old fellow its time to retire."
The old rooster says, "You can't handle all these chickens...look at what it did to me!"
The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this.
Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike."
The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon...just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you."
The young rooster says "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over."
So, the old rooster says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what young fellow. I'll have a race with you around the farm house. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop."
The young rooster says, "You know I'm going to beat you, old man, so just to be fair more...