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A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands,
"Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got! I'm so
pissed I can't even see straight!"
The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse
for wear, pours him a DOUBLE of Southern Comfort.
The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another
ONE!"
The bartender pours the drink, but says "Now, before I give
you this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me WHY
you're so upset?"
So the man begins his tale:
"Well, I was sitting in the bar next door when this gorgeous
blonde slinks in, and actually sits beside ME at the bar. I
thought WOW, this has never happened before. You know,
it was kind of a fantasy come TRUE. Well, a couple of
minutes later I feel this hand moving around in my lap and the
blonde leans over, licks my ear, and asks if I'm
INTERESTED? I couldn't believe this was more...
1. A stained dress.
2. An open and empty condom wrapper.
3. A memo from Accounting Department requesting a meeting to review his recent purchases on the company credit card?
4. Nonchalantly drop lingerie and then kick it under the front of his desk (where he can't see it, but visitors can) early in the morning before an important meeting. Then, during the meeting, stare quizzically at the floor under his desk.
5. Thong, lace bra the morning after the company Christmas party.
6. First, simply hide pot seeds and watch as your clueless boss waters and nutures the plants daily. Second, watch as boss is escorted out of the building three months later by security.
7. 32 beepers, all stashed in different places. Borrow them from managers who are forced to wear them 24 hours a day. Page a different beeper every 15 minutes. This works especially well if you also switch his morning decaf with espresso.
8. Put a piece more...
Where is the best place to hide a lawyer? In a brief case.
Where's the safest place to hide money from a man? Under the soap
Once again, as a service to the readers of the Politics list,
I submitted the following as an article in the Virtual World
News (our very own Electronic Tabloid Paper, run by me.)
THE VIRTUAL WORLD NEWS
"Don't read anything else.
We really mean it."
TV STAR TEARFULLY ADMITS, "I WAS ABUSED AS A CHILD," FILES LAWSUIT
AGAINST HOLLYWOOD BIGWIGS FOR "EXPLOITATION"
The cushiony king of children's public television says his life hasn't been
as soft as it may appear. Barney T. Dinosaur, in an emotional press conference
last week, admitted that his upbringing at the hooves of other dinosaurs
was a harrowing experience.
"Nobody liked me," the star said, as he filed a formal lawsuit against
Steven Spielberg and various persons and institutions involved with
the making of the film "Jurassic Park." The suit contends that Barney,
as the last surviving member of the species is entitled to be more...
Q. What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?
A. The 1995 Hide and Seek World Champion.
The farmer was out working in his field, about a half mile from his house.
In the distance, he sees his six year old son running to him. When the son arrives, he tells his father that a preacher has showed up unannounced. The father asks his son which local preacher it is. The son responds that he hasn't seen him before.
The farmer tells his son that he has a little more work to do before he can head back to the house.
He tells his son to go back to the house and ask the preacher if he is a Methodist. If he says yes, then go hide the fried chicken that his mom is making.
If the preacher says he is a Protestant, then the son is to go hide his moonshine.
If the preacher says that he is a Baptist, the son is to sit on his mother's lap until he gets there!