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One year, Johnny’s family was having the “extended family” 4th of July cookout at their home. One of the special treats that year was the lighting of the fireworks (Roman candles, bottle rockets, missile batteries, etc.) they had bought out of state. Just before they were to arrive, a cousin calls, saying their neighbor’s plans had just fallen through, and could they bring them along to the picnic - they even had extra food to bring. “Sure, the more the merrier! ” Upon arrival and meeting of their cousin’s neighbor, it is discovered that he’s a police officer. The father turns as innocently as he can to Johnny, and whispers to him to grab the paper bag of fireworks sitting in the kitchen and hide them somewhere quickly. Johnny disappears, and the father changes the topic to food for the day. The family had brought some chicken to grill, so the father tells then the gas grill is all set to use out back - just turn on the gas and push the ignition button with the lid more...
Q: Where does Moshe hide money from his wife Sadie? A: Under the vacuum cleaner.
The Most Complete List Of Ways To Annoy People, Cops, Your Roommate, And More.
Annoy People
1. Pay tolls with $100 bills
2. Leave your supermarket cart on the street or in the middle of the parking lot
3. Eat produce at the market; don't buy it
4. When giving directions, leave out a turn or two
5. Leave the outdoor Christmas decorations up until March or April
6. Before exiting the elevator, push all the buttons
7. Knock and ask "How is it going?" to someone constipated in a public bathroom stall.
8. Develop at least three strategies for cutting into the front of lines
9. Announce when you're going to the bathroom
10. Chew other people's pencils
11. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
12. Wear large hats during the movies
13. Touch strangers
14. Tell little children the truth about Santa more...
Attempt to take the order-takers order.("Hi, may I take your order?" ) before they get a chance to take yours. Order confusing items, i. e.,"Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and asmall medium fries, please". When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells. Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion. Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food. Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice. Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk. more...
There were three women that broke out of jail.One had red hair, one had brown hair, the other was blone.As they were running down the road they saw a old barn, so they went to hide out in it.They hide behind three bells of hay.The police search party went in the barn looking for them.One police went over to the bells of hay and kicked the first one were the red head was hiding.She cried out"Quack Quack"So he thought it was a duck.He went to the second bell of hay were the brown haired lady was hinding.She cried out"Arf Arf"So he thought it was a dog.He went to the thrid bell of hay were the blonde was hiding.She cried out"Potatoes Potatoes"So he kicked it again.Now she cried out"Cat Cat"
1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.
2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at class.
3. Twitch a lot.
4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.
5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.
6. Become a subgenius.
7. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.
8. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.
9. Speak in tongues.
10. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.
11. Walk and talk backwards.
12. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.
13. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more...