Higher Jokes / Recent Jokes

Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar? All of them, a crossbar can't jump!

A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbileans over and asks, "So how high can you advance in your organization?"The Priest says "If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop.""Well, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi."I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I mightbe made an ArchBishop" said the Priest a bit cautiously."Is there any way that you might go higher than that?""If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal""Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?" probed the Rabbi. Hesitating a little bit, the Priest said "I supose that I could beelected Pope, but..."So the Rabbi says "And could you be anything higher than that?, is there any way to go up from being the Pope?""What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!"The Rabbi leaned back and said "One of ou r boys made it."

There's a guy who's hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree.

The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher. Then, the bear climbed down and went away.

So the guy starts to climb down the tree. Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time he's brought an even bigger bear with him. The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first. But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldn't reach him. Eventually, the bears went away.

Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again. Suddenly, the two bears return. But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble.

Each bear was carrying a BEAVER.

A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He went though the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higher and higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from an airplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him the news.
"So, did you jump?" the father asked.
"Well, let me tell you what happened. We got up in the plane, and the sergeant opened up the door and asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked out of the plane!"
"Is that when you jumped?" asked the father.
"Um, not yet. Then the sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throw them out the door."
"Did you jump then?" asked the father.
"I'm getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the last man left on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. He told me to get off the plane or he'd kick my ass."
"So, did more...

A man is walking along one day and he comes upon a ladder. Looking up, he sees that the ladder disappears into the clouds. Curious, he begins to climb. Before long, he is *in* the clouds. He looks around and sees the most horribly ugly woman he has ever seen in his life. Obese, snaggle-toothed, matted hair... She looks at him, beckons, and says, "Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to success." Well, having no intention of doing *anything* with this woman, the man climbs higher up the ladder. A bit further on, he comes upon a woman slightly less ugly than the woman before. Not attractive, by any means, but not repugnant. "Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to success, "she says. Again, the man elects to continue his climb. Before long, he comes upon another woman. This one is actually attractive. Not a knock-out, but very pleasing. "Have sex with me, or climb the ladder to success." Well, he figures the women keep getting better and better looking as more...

Little Tommy ran to his dad and said "Daddy, daddy! Watch me count."
Tommy holds up his right hand, and, touching each finger, counts to five. "One, two, three, four, five."
"Good!" his dad exclaimed. "Can you count higher?"
Tommy pauses to think for a minute, then stretches his hand higher up in the air, past his head.
"One, two, three, four, five..."

To: Professor _______________
From: ____________________I think my grade in your course, ___, should be changed from ___ to ___ for the following reasons:__1. The persons who copied my paper made a higher grade than I did.__2. The person whose paper I copied made a higher grade than I did.__3. This course will lower my Grade Point Average and I won't get into:__Medical School
__Graduate School
__Dental School
__Fraternity/Sorority
__The Mickey Mouse Club
__Tri County Tech__4. I have to get an A in this course to balance the F in ______.__5. I'll lose my scholarship.__6. I'm on a varsity sports team, and my tutor couldn't find a copy of your exam for me.__7. I didn't come to class and the person whose notes I used did not cover the material asked for on the exam.__8. I studied the basic principles and the exam wanted every little fact.__9. I learned all the facts and definitions but your exams asked about general principles.__10. You are prejudiced more...