Hikers Jokes / Recent Jokes

Apparently not all Swiss are friendly, neutral, cocoa swigging, watch makers. Some of them are bovine badasses. Swiss cows have been getting pissy with the local hikers. The hikers have been warned not to hug the cows. “Don’t caress them. Don’t wave a stick at them. Don’t even look them in the eye”, said Evelyn Zaugg of the Swiss Hiking Federation, “And what ever you do, don’t try to milk them, they’re bulls.”

A group of hikers were being led through the wilderness by a guide. On the third day, the hikers noticed that they had been traveling in circles.
"We're lost!", One of the hikers complained. "And you said you were the best guide in the United States."
"I am", the guide answered, "But I think we may have wandered into Canada."

So these three people are hiking in a forest, and all of a sudden these headhunters catch them and bring the hikers to the head headhunter.
The head headhunter says "If you want to live you must complete some tasks. First you must go into the forest, pick some fruits, and bring them back"
So the hikers did that and came back.
The head head hunter said "Now you must take the fruits you picked and stick them up your ass."
So the first hiker has apples... Ok, apples it shouldn't be too hard.
1 up okay... 2 up the hiker starts screeming, so the headhunters chop off his head.
The second hiker has grapes. Ok, grapes this should be easy!
1 up okay... 2 up fine... 3... 4 the hiker starts laughing like crazy! The headhunters chop off his head.
So the two hikers who got their heads chopped off are up in Heaven and the hiker who had the apples askes the hiker who had the grapes "What happened... you had grapes, I mean you got killed c'mon more...

So these three people are hiking in a forest, and all of a sudden these headhunters catch them and bring the hikers to the head headhunter.The head headhunter says "If you want to live you must complete some tasks. First you must go into the forest, pick some fruits, and bring them back"So the hikers did that and came back.The head head hunter said "Now you must take the fruits you picked and stick them up your ass."So the first hiker has apples... Ok, apples it shouldn't be too hard.1 up okay... 2 up the hiker starts screeming, so the headhunters chop off his head. The second hiker has grapes. Ok, grapes this should be easy! 1 up okay... 2 up fine... 3... 4 the hiker starts laughing like crazy! The headhunters chop off his head.So the two hikers who got their heads chopped off are up in Heaven and the hiker who had the apples askes the hiker who had the grapes "What happened... you had grapes, I mean you got killed c'mon what happened?"The guy who had more...

Two hikers are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.
They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first hiker gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on.
The second hiker says, "What are you doing?"
The first responds, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll have to jump down and make a run for it."
The second says, "Are you crazy? Don’t you know you can't outrun a bear?
The first guy says, "I don't have to outrun the bear... I only have to outrun you!"

OLD HIKERS never die, they just trail awayOLD HIPPIES never die, they just smell that wayOLD HOCKEY PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goalOLD HOMEBREWERS never die, they just ferment awayOLD HUNTERS never die, they just stay LOADEDOLD HYPOCHONDRIACS never die, they just imagine itOLD HYPOCHONDRIACS never die, they just lose their grippeOLD IMMORTALS [vampires, whatever] never die, they just... don'tOLD INTERPRETERS (for the deaf) never die, they just sign offOLD INVESTORS never die, they just roll overOLD jokes never die, they just get retold by the youngOLD JOURNALISTS never die, they just get de-pressedOLD KAYAKERS never die, they just roll back over, and do it againOLD KEY PUNCH OPERATORS never die, they just punch outOLD KIDS never die, they just adulterate

The Bridger Wilderness Area asks hikers in this pristine area to fill out comment cards. These are actual comments left by hikers.
Trail needs to be reconstructed.Please avoid building trails that go uphill.
Too many bugs and leaches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.
Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow during the winter.
Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.
The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.
A small deer came into my camp and stole my jar of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call ___ ___ ____.
Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.
Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.
Need more signs to keep area pristine.
A McDonalds would be nice at the more...