Hilarious Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once there was a millionaire who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful single daughter. So one day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces: "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man that can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finished his last word there was the sound of a large SPLASH! One guy was in the pool, swimming as fast as he could, and the crowd was cheering him on. Finally he made it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire was impressed. He said "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn`t think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain, so which do you want: my daughter or the one million dollars? The guy says "Listen I don`t want your money! And I don`t want your daughter! I just want the jerk who pushed me into that more...

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, "What do you want on your back for your whipping?"
The German responds, "I will take oil!" So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.
The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, "What do you want on your back?"
"I will take nothing!" says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.
"What will you take on your back?" the Amazons ask the American.
He responds, "I`ll take the Mexican."

A British doctor says "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can
take a kidney out of one man put it in another and have him looking for work
in six weeks." A German doctor says, "That`s nothing, we can take a lung out of one
person put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks." A Russian doctor says, "In my country medicine is so advanced we can take
half a heart out of one person put it in another and have them both looking
for work in two weeks." The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind, we
just took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House, and
now half the country is looking for work, and the other half preparing for
war."

1) Waiter: Would you like your coffee black?
Customer: What other colors do you have? 2) My father is so old that when he was in
school, history was called current affairs. 3) Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love. 4) Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam: No sir, I don`t have to, my mom is a good cook. 5). Manager: Sorry, but i can`t give u a job. I don`t need much help.
Job Applicant: That`s all right. In fact I`m just the right person in this case. You see, I won`t be of much help anyway!! 6). Dad: Son, what do u want for ur birthday?
Son: Not much dad, Just a radio with a sports car around it. 7). Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your
brother`s. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it`s the same dog! 8). Diner: I can`t eat such a rotten chicken. Call the more...

Defferences betwee You and your boss When you take a long time, you`re slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he`s thorough. When you don`t do it, you`re lazy.
When your boss doesn`t do it, he`s too busy. When you make a mistake, you`re an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he`s only human. When doing something without being told, you`re overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that`s initiative. When you take a stand, you`re being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he`s being firm. When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you`re being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he`s being original. When you please your boss, you`re arse-creeping.
When your boss pleases his boss, he`s being co-operative. When you`re out of the office, you`re wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he`s on business. When you`re on a day off sick, you`re always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very more...

A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection. They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was at fault for the mishap.
When the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning the problems of being blind.
The snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity. He had never been able to see his reflection in the water, and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like, or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe, and then try to describe what the other animal was.
The snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit. After more...

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are excessively Mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it. If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.


The boys ` mother heard that a preacher in Town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.


The Preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.


So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the Morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the Afternoon.


The preacher, a huge man with a booming Voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,


"Do you know where God is, son?" The boy `s mouth Dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there Wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.


So the preacher repeated the question in an even Sterner tone, " Where is God?!"


Again, the boy made more...