Hilarious Jokes / Recent Jokes

Every time the man next door headed toward Michaels`s house, Michael knew he was coming to borrow something.

"He won`t get away with it this time," muttered Michael to his wife. "Watch this."

"Er, I wonder if you`d be using your power-saw this morning," the neighbor began.

"Gee, I`m awfully sorry," said Michael with a smug look, "but the fact of the matter is, I`ll be using it all day."

"In that case," said the neighbor, "you won`t be using your golf clubs, mind if I borrow them?"

An Indian walks into a bank in New York City and asks
for the loan officer.
He tells the loan officer that he is going to India on
business for two
weeks and needs to borrow $5, 000.

The bank officer tells him that the bank will need
some form of security
for
the loan, so the Indian man hands over the keys to a
new Ferrari parked
on
the street in front of the bank. He produces the title
and everything checks
out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as
collateral for the loan.

The bank`s president and its officers all enjoy a good
laugh at the Indian
for using a $250, 000 Ferrari as collateral against a
$5, 000 loan. An
employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the
bank`s underground
garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Indian returns, repays the $5, 000
and the interest,
which comes to $15. 41. The loan officer says, more...

There once was a kind hearted barber in city in the US. He never charged anyone for his services. One day a Florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies: `I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service. ’
The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door. A Cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies: `I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service.` The Cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen Donuts. A Indian goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and barber replies: ` I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service. ’ The Indian also leaves very happy. The next morning when the Barber goes to more...

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town`s most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500, 000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn`t you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um. .. no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister`s husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer`s voice rising in indignation, more...

Walking up to a department store`s fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk. "That`s fine," replied the girl. "I`ll take ten yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled

1. There is a gay man at your house. Do you stay home or go to work?

2.(pickup line) Hey baby, come over her and sit on my lap and let's talk about the first thing that pops up.

3. Your Uncle Jack is working on a roof and gets stuck on the ladder. Do you help your Uncle jack off?

My Dearest Susan, Sweetie of my heart. I`ve been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won`t you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won`t you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so. Yours always and truly, John P. S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery