Hill Jokes / Recent Jokes

After learning that Kim Jong-il had ordered and completed a test of North Korea’s nuclear weapons, Assistant Secretary of State, Christopher Hill was quoted as saying, “He’s really going to rue the day he made this decision.” After that, Hill was also quoted as saying, “Rats! Foiled again!” and “Jinkies!”


It’s possible that our friends in the State Department watch a bit too much Rocky and Bullwinkle.

Steven Spielberg was filming his latest movie deep in the heart of the Amazon rain forest. The costs involved in transporting the multitude of movie making equipment to the site were immense. On top of that, he had a cast of thousands to feed and clothe. It was his most expensive production yet and he sank his entire personal fortune into the project.
The biggest expense was building an exact replica of an Ancient city in the middle of the jungle. No expense was spared to make the city authentic.
The climax of the movie was to be the complete destruction of the city in a dramatic fire. Since Spielberg planned to actually burn the city to the ground, there was only one chance to film it. He set up four cameras:
"Camera one, I want you up in the helicopter to get an overhead shot of the whole scene."
"Yes, boss."
"Camera two, I want you at the edge of the clearing for a medium range shot."
"Yes, boss."
"Camera more...

One day a teacher while taking attendance in class, realizes that three kids are missing.
One of the three was Tommy who then walked into class which prompted the teacher to ask:
"Where were you?
Tommy said, I was on cherry tree hill!
Then walked in John who was asked the same question and replied with the same answer, "I was on cherry tree Hill"
Then comming in soon after was little Suzie to which the teacher said "I bet you are going to tell me you were on Cherry Tree Hill too"
Suzie looked puzzled and replied "Mam, I am CherryTreeHill"

Back in the cowboy days, a wagon train is lost and low on food. No other humans had been seen for days. Suddenly, they see an old Jewish man sitting beneath a tree. The leader rushes to him and says, "We're lost and running out of food. Is there someplace ahead where we can get something to eat?"
"Vell," replies the old man, "I vouldn't go up dat hill und down other side. Somevun told me you'll run into a big bacon tree."
"A bacon tree?" the wagon leader asks.
"Yah, ah bacon tree. Trust me. For nuttin vud I lie," says the old man.
The leader returns to his people and tells them that they might be able to find food on the other side of the next ridge. "Then why did the old man say not to go there?" some of the pioneers ask.
"Oh, you know that Jewish people don't eat bacon," the leader explains.
So, the wagon train goes up the hill and down the other side. Suddenly, Indians attack and massacre more...

Q - Why do elephants travel in herds?
A - Because is they traveled in flocks they might be mistaken for sheep.
Q - What did Jane say when she saw the elephants come over the hill?
A - Look, here comes the elephants!
Q - What did Jane say when she saw the elephants come over the hill wearing sun glasses?
A - Nothing - she didn't recognize them.
Q - How can you tell if there is an elephant in bed with you?
A - By the giant "E" on its pyjamas.
Q - How can you tell if an elephant has crawled under the bed during the night?
A - You are currently having an intimate relationship with the ceiling.
Q - How do you tell if an Elephant has been making love in your backyard?
A - If all your trashcan liners are missing.
Q - Why does an elephant have four feet?
A - Because 8 inches isn't enough!
Q - Where do elephants have their sex organs?
A - In their feet - If an elephant steps on you, you're fucked!
Q - Why did the more...

You're over the hill when...
People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You can eat dinner at 3 p.m.
You can live without sex (but not without glasses).
You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You sing along with the elevator music.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
Your supply of brain cells is finally down to more...

An Antartian was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something, far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it.
The Antartian asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?"
The man replied, "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie?
Here's one that goes nicely with your robe."
The Antartian shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!"
"OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 4 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, they'll give you all the water you want."
The Antartian thanked him and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared. Three hours later the Antartian came crawling back to where the man was sitting behi