Hillary Clinton Jokes / Recent Jokes
Barack Obama is expected to nominate Hillary Clinton to be his Secretary of State on Monday. It will be interesting to see how Hillary handles having a male boss. It will the first time she has been underneath a man since her wedding night.
Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton Address the Nation from SNL.
During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news. "There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year." Visibly shaken, Hillary stared at the woman's lined face, then at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself. She simply had to know. She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked her question. "Will I be acquitted?"
* Actually ate a street vendor hot dog.* Sees Statue of Liberty and asks, "Oh, is that new?"* Believes the Mets can take it all the way this year.* Gave speech to Hasidic Jews in which she promised to "fight for the rights of you Amish folk."* Had an exploratory committee look into what an extended middle finger means.* Keeps asking when she'll get to meet Batman.* Featured guest at her fundraisers: Reggie Miller.* Thinks the "subway" is just some place Bill takes her for their anniversary dinner.* Paid $25,000 for a sidewalk Rolex.
Bill looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person very happy."Al shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".Hillary tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course, then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window and make a hundred people very happy."Chelsea rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could throw all of you out the window and make the whole country happy."
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almondine and fresh fish."The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary says.The waiter nods: "And the vegetable?" he asks."Oh, HE'll have the fish." Hillary replies.
By accident Hillary Clinton and Bob Dole met. "If I were your wive", Hilary said, "I'd put poison in your coffee". "And if I were your husband", replied Bob, "I'd gladly drink it."