Hillary Clinton Jokes

Hillary Clinton is debating running for President.
Bill Clinton has been heard saying "If Hillary decides to run for President, I will help her campain..cause...a win for Hillary is an Intern for Me."

“I will leave the country if Hillary Clinton becomes president.” –Dick Morris on "Hannity & Colmes"
This means that if Hillary Clinton becomes president, Dick Morris will most likely not leave the country.

One Sunday morning, Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White House and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in Georgetown and his name is Matt."
After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. "Honey, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married a long time. She's a wonderful wife, but she's never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I have fooled around with other women a lot. Matt is actually your half-brother, and I'm afraid you can't marry him."
Chelsea was heartbroken, but after eight months she eventually started dating again. A year later she came home and very proudly announced, "Robert asked me to marry him! We're getting married in June."
Again her father insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. "Robert is your half-brother too, Honey. I'm awfully sorry about this." Chelsea was furious! more...

New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg has announced that Bill and Hillary Clinton will have the honor of pushing the button that lowers the Times Square New Year's Eve Ball. According to CBS News, this year's ball "is double the size of previous balls and is covered in 2,668 Waterford Crystals...Organizers of the New Year’s Eve party say the bigger, brighter ball will remain in place all year atop the building at 1 Times Square to celebrate other holidays including Valentine’s Day, the Fourth of July and Halloween."
Imagine it - Bill in full glory! He’s used to lowering balls onto people’s faces, but only one person at a time. Tonight he’ll have a whole city looking up as his ball descends on them. And twice the size of most balls, naturally.
The honor is equally apropos for Hillary who, many have speculated over the years, has at least one ball. One presumes this won’t be the last ball dropped by the new secretary of state.
As for staying with us beyond New more...

Dana Carvey performing stand-up from his new special "Squatting Monkeys Tell No Lies"--catch this special when it premieres on Saturday, June 14th at 10 p.m.--only on HBO!

Obama vs. Hillary - Dana Carvey