Hills Jokes

Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and
tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West. (This was in the
days when the Wild West meant Texas and Arizona, with indians, outlaws,
tornados and droughts-not the current situation, where the Wild West
means California and you have to brave hottubs, mellowspeak, fires and
earthquakes. That is, it was a simpler time.)
So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at
the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and
tough he was, and the owner of the bar was pleased with how he broke up
fights and didn't skim too much off the receipts. He told Fred that he
(Fred) was doing a fine job, but he should remember one thing: "If you
ever hear even a rumor that Mad Martin is coming to town, just save
what you can, put a bottle of Red Eye on the counter, and head out of
town as fast as you can."
Fred was pretty perplexed more...

Having lived all her life in the hills, grandma decided it was time to venture out and visit the town for the first time.
When she checked in at the hotel, the bellboy took her bags and she followed him into a small room, where the doors closed automatically behind them.
Grandma looked around and began shaking her fist at the bellboy. "Listen here, young man, I may be old and straight from the hills, but that don't mean I'm stupid. I paid good money and this room won't do. It's too small and there's no venitilation. Goodness me, there isn't even any furniture, not even a bed!"
"Relax, ma'am," replied the bellhop, "this isn't your room. This is the elevator!"

You can learn a lot from reading the graffiti in a bathroom, library or other public area... The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open. * Women's rest room, Murphy's, Champaign, Ill. If you voted for Clinton in the last election, you can't take a dump here - Your asshole is in Washington!* Men's rest room, Outback Steakhouse, Tacoma, Wash. Beauty is only a light switch away. * Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, N. C. If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted and have the time of our lives. * Armand's Pizza, Washington, D. C. Remember, it's not "How high are you?", it's "Hi, how are you?" * Rest stop off Route 81, W. VA. God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?* The Irish Times, Washington, D. C. Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. * The Bayou, Baton Rouge, La. No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her crap. * Men's rest room, Linda's more...

Before the first day of school, one day, a boy went and laid on top of Beverly Hills and watchd the sunrise. He loved the pretty sight, and was late to school. "Where were you?" asked the mad teacher. "I laid on top of Beverly Hills and watched the sunrise."
The next day, another boy went and laid on top of Beverly Hills and watched the sunrise. He was also late for class. The angry teacher said, "Why are you late Mister?"
"Oh shit!" the boy said. "I was layin' atop a pretty Bev'ly Hills, and watched the sunrise!
The next day, a girl came into the classroom late. The furious teacher said, "Lemme guess, you laid on top of Beverly Hills, and watched the sunrise." The girl looked shocked. "What the fuck are you talking about? Beverly Hills is my best friend!"

he following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Los Angeles Times, November 24: Banning, Blythe and Barstow no longer qualify as "distressed" cities under federal guidelines, nor do Adelanto, Lake Elsinore, or Loma Linda. But Beverly Hills does. According to a new U. S. Department of Housing and Urban Development list, Beverly Hills can apply for about $56 million a year in business development grants reserved for small cities suffering "physical and economic distress."