Hit Jokes / Recent Jokes

A golfer hit his drive on the first hole 300 yardsright down the middle. When it came down, however, it hit a sprinkler andthe ball went sideways into the woods. He was angry, but he went into the woods and hit a very hard 2iron which hit a tree and bounced back straight athim. It hit him in the temple and killed him. He was at the Pearly Gates and St. Peter looked atthe big book and said, "I see you were a golfer, isthat correct?" "Yes, I am," he replied. St Peter then said, "Do you hit the ball a long way?" The golfer replied,"You bet. After all, I got here in 2, didn't I?"

Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused, looked down the fairway and began to sob uncontrollably. The other three gathered around him and asked: Whats wrong? Bob looked down at his feet, sniffed and dried his eyes some, then apologized for his emotional outburst. Im sorry, I always get emotional at this hole - it holds very difficult memories for me. One of his buddies asked: What happened? What could have gotten you so upset? Bob stared silently off in the distance, then said in a low voice, This is where my wife and I were playing 12 years ago when she suddenly died of a heart attack; right at this very hole! Oh my God, the other golfers said; That must have been horrible! Horrible? You think it`s horrible? Bob cried in disbelief; It was worse than that!!!! Every hole for the rest of the day, all the way back to the clubhouse it was hit the ball, drag Alice, hit the ball, drag Alice...

Somewhere in America, next week... Dad: Son, come in here, we need to talk. Son: What's up, Dad? Dad: There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it? Son: I don't believe, if I understand the definition of "scratch the car", that I can say, truthfully, that I did not scratch the car. Dad: Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch? Son: Well, as I've said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. While it is true that I did take the car out last night, I did not scratch it. Dad: But your sister, Monica, has told me she saw you back the car against the mailbox at the end of the driveway, heard a loud scraping sound, saw you get out to examine the car, and then drive away. So again I'll ask you, yes or no, did you scratch the car? Son: Oh, you mean you think you have evidence to prove I scratched it. Well, you see, I understood you to mean did "I" more...

Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week
in Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After
they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat
around at break and discussed their vacation.
The first guy says, "I don't think I'll ever do that again! Ever
since we got back, my wife flings her arms and hollers,' 7 come
11' and I havent had a wink of sleep!"
The second guy says, "I know what you mean. My wife played
blackjack the whole time we were there and she slaps the bed all
night and hollers,' Hit me light or hit me hard!' and I haven't
had a wink of sleep either!"
The third guy says,"You guys think that's bad! My wife played
the slots the whole time we were there and I wake up each
morning with a sore dick and an ass full of quarters."

There were two workers digging in a ditch. Their supervisor was sitting against a brick wall reading a book.
After a while, one worker said to the other "How come we're over here working in the hot sun while he's over there reading a book?"
The other guy replied, "I don't know. Why don't you go ask him?"
So the first guy walked over to where the supervisor was sitting. The supervisor looked up and then went back to reading his book.
Finally the worker asked him, "How come you're over here reading, while we're digging in the sun?"
The supervisor looked at him for a moment and answered, "Intelligence." Then he continued reading.
After thinking about this for a minute, the worker asked, "How's that?"
The supervisor replied, "Let me show you." He held out his hand and said, "now, hit my hand as hard as you can."
The worker put down his shovel and proceeded to hit the supervisor's more...

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run....run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!"

A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!" The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up yelling "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!" All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused.

A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whisper, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls."

After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man!"

A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game. As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until at 8 p. m. the husband finally pulls into the driveway. "What happened?" says the wife. "You should have been home hours ago!" "Harry had a heart attack at the third hole," replied the husband. "Oh, that's terrible," says the wife. "I know," the husband answers. "All day long it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry..."