Hmo Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.

Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.

Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the more...

Three people die, a Doctor a school teacher and the head of a large HMO, when met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the Doctor' what did you do on Earth?' The Dotor replied, I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free. St. Peter told the Doctor,' you may go in.' St. Peter then asked the teacher what she did, she replied, I taught educationally challenged children. St. Peter then told her' you may go in.' St. Peter asked the third man,' what did you do?' The man hung his head and replied,' I ran a large HMO.' To which St. Peter replied,' you may go in, but you can only stay 3 days.'

Three people die, a Doctor a school teacher and the head of a large HMO, when met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the Doctor what did you do on Earth? The Dotor replied, I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free. St. Peter told the Doctor, you may go in. St. Peter then asked the teacher what she did, she replied, I taught educationally challenged children. St. Peter then told her you may go in. St. Peter asked the third man, what did you do? The man hung his head and replied, I ran a large HMO. To which St. Peter replied, you may go in, but you can only stay 3 days.

A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in line together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life.
Doctor:' 'I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in caring for, and healing thousands of poor people.''
St. Peter:' 'That's great. Go ahead in to heaven. And what about you, dear?''
Nurse:' 'I've supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an adult.''
St. Peter:' 'Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. And what about you?''
Health Maintenance Organizaton Director:' 'I was the president of a very large HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the country.''
St. Peter:' 'Oh, I see. Please go in... but you can only stay two nights!''

Three people die, a Doctor a school teacher and the head of a large HMO, when met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the Doctor' what did you do on Earth?'

The Dotor replied, I healed the sick and if they could not pay I would do it for free. St. Peter told the Doctor,' you may go in.'

St. Peter then asked the teacher what she did, she replied, I taught educationally challenged children. St. Peter then told her' you may go in.'

St. Peter asked the third man,' what did you do?' The man hung his head and replied,' I ran a large HMO.' To which St. Peter replied,' you may go in, but you can only stay 3 days.'