Hold Jokes / Recent Jokes
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife. We'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. And then goes to the Jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it." The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is more...
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don' t feel like it. I just want you to hold me." The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He walks around and had her try on three very expensive outfits. And then tells his wife, We 'll take all three of them. Then goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each. And then goes to the jewelry Dept. and gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care). She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don 't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then lets get it.' The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what more...
An elderly couple who had been married for 60 years were sitting on the sofa watching TV when the wife asked, "Dear, remember how you used to sit close by me?"
The old man moved over and sat snuggly beside his wife.
"Dear," she continued, "do you remember when you used to hold me tight?"
Taking her in his arms, he held her tight.
"Do you also remember how you used to hold me and kiss me and nibble on my ear?" she asked.
With that, her husband got up and started to leave the room. "Where are you going, dear?" she asked.
"I'm going to get my teeth!" he answered.
Collards is green,
My dog's name is Blue
And I'm so lucky
To have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk
A-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's
And without all them fleas.
You move like the bass,
Which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales
But I luv you anyway.
Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
Jist a-fry'n in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
Right out of the can.
You have some'a yore teeth,
For which I am proud;
I hold my head high
When we're in a crowd.
On special occasions,
When you shave under yore arms,
Well, I'm in hawg heaven,
And awed by yore charms.
Still them fellers at work,
They all want to know,
What I did to deserve
Such a purdy, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape
Yo're there fer yore man,
To patch up life's troubles
And fix what you more...
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
The husband says, "WHAT??"
The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond ear rings.
The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out - but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says "but you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it."
The wife is more...
My wife said to me, "George, it is about time that you learned golf - you know, golf - that's the game where you chase a ball all over the country when you are too old to chase women."
So I went to see Jones and asked him if he would teach me how to play. He said, "Sure, you've got balls, haven't you?" "Yes," I said, "Sometimes on cold mornings they're kinda hard to find."
"Bring them to the clubhouse tomorrow," he said, "and we have to tee off in front of the clubhouse." "Not for me," I said, "You can tee off there if you want to but I'll tee off behind the barn somewhere."
"No, no," he said, "a tee is a little thing about the size of your little finger." "Yeah, I got one of those." "Well," he said, "You stick it in the ground and put your ball on top of it." I asked, "Do you play golf sitting down? I always thought that you stood up and more...
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says: ''I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'' The husband says, ''WHAT??'' The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Department where she gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says, ''But you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it.'' The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe more...