Holy Jokes / Recent Jokes
there were these 3 nunes they got the weekend off.
Well they came back to the nune house and had to confess there sins.
The first nune said mother i need to confess my sins that i did this weeked and she said what was it- "i kissed a guy" your sin has been forgotten you may drink the holy water the 3rd one chucled a littel bit.
The 2nd nune came up and said mother I need to confess my sins and the mother nune said what did you do this weekend she said i wacthed a rated r movie. THe mother nune said your sin has been for gotten you may drink the holy water. THe 3rd one chuclked a liteel bit.
THEN IT WAS THE 3rd on to confess her sins and the mother nune said what kind of sin do you need to be forgotten about and the 3rd one said I PISSED IN THE HOLY WATER.
In a small seaside village, Lived a very holy man who lived there happily until one day it began to flood. It rained for days and days until eventully, the holy man was on his roof. He prayed to god, and it rained, and it rained. One day, a boat came along and asked if he needed help. The man replied "
My lord will save me!"
And so, the man prayed and prayed, and it rained. Next day, a cruiser came along and someone asked if he needed help. The man replied "
My lord will save me!"
again.
So, again, he sat on his roof and prayed. While it rained.
But another day, a giant ship came along and a woman with children asked if he needed help. The man replied "
My lord will save me!"
one again.
And so, the poor man was drowned, and when he was in heaven, he asked god "
Why diddnt you save me?"
and god replied: "
Well, I did send three boats along to save you!"
A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble inthe countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.The farmer said, "There might be a problem. You see, I only have room fortwo to sleep, one of you must sleep in the barn.""No problem," spoke the Rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for fortyyears. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening." With thathe departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.Moments later a knock was heard at the door. The farmer opened the door, and there stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer.He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There isa pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes latethe same scene occurs. There is a knock on the door. "What's wrong, now?"the farmer asked.The Hindu holy man more...
A lawyer and two friends-a Rabbi, and a Hindu holy man-had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.
The farmer said, "There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep in the house. So one of you must sleep in the barn."
"No problem," chimed the Rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for one evening." With that he departed to the barn, and the others bedded down for the night.
Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door. There stood the Rabbi from the barn. "What's wrong?" asked the farmer. He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I just can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn, and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."
His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes later the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door. "What's more...
A woman is in the delivery room giving birth, the doctor tells her to
push. She does and the baby's head pops
out. The doctor says, "Oh! Your baby has slanted eyes." To which she
replies "Yeah I heard them Chinese men
were pretty good, so I decided to give them a try
The doctor shrugs it off and tells her to push again. This time the
baby's body comes out. "Holy Shit, your baby
has a white body," the doctor says. "Yeah I heard them white men were
pretty good so I decided to give them a
try," she said.
The doctor shrugs it off again and tells her to push again and that will
be it. So she does and the legs come out.
"Holy Shit! Your baby has black legs," the doctor said. "Yeah I heard
them black men were pretty good so I
decided to give them a try," she said.
So the doctor shrugs it off again and ties the umbilical cord and slaps
the baby on the ass, it more...