Holy Jokes / Recent Jokes
three little kids went into a church to talk to god. they each asked him asked god how many sins they could cummit. he told them each that they could cummit one sin. so they went out to do their sins, the next day one came back and told god that he pulled up a womans dress, the next one said that he stole a candy bar. well the next one comes in as to be real quiet and tells god in a slight wisper "i peed in the holy water"
One day there were four nuns in line for confessional.
The first nun said, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
She said "I saw a man's private part." He told her to wash her eyes with holy water.
The second nun comes in and says, "Forgive me, father, for I have sinned."
He asked how.
"I touched a man's private parts." He told her to wash her hands in holy water.
Then he heard the third and fourth nun fighting. He asked why they were fighting.
The fourth nun said, "I'm not going to wash my mouth in the holy water if she is going to sit in it."
Four nuns are driving to market and get hit by a drunk driver and all four nuns die. They get in line to go through pearly gates and wait for St. Peter to admit them. St. Peter goes to the nuns and says "I realize that you are sisters of the cloth, but I must ask you if you have anything to report to me that might be a sin." The sisters thought for a while and the first nun went to St. Peter. "I once touched a man's penis with this finger". St. Peter thought for a while and said. "I'm sure it was in the line of duty; Place your finger in that holy water and swirl it around." She did as she was instructed and "PING" she was in. The second nun went to St. Peter and said, "I once touched a man's genitals with my entire right hand." Again St. Peter thought for a while and said, "I'm sure it was within your duties; Swirl your hand in that holy water and go in." The second nun did as she was instructed and "ping" she was more...
once there was these four nuns who died and went to heaven.When they got to the pearly gates they were greeted by saint Peter with a bowl of holy water. he told them he had to ask them a simple question before he could let them in.The first nun approched and he said "have you ever touched a penis?"she said yes but only with this one finger...He said swirl it around in the holy water and go on in.The second nun approached and he asked "if she had ever touched a penis?"she said yes but only with her hand.He said swirl it in the holy water and go on in..but before the third nun could approach the fourth nun had pushed her aside and came up to the bowl of holy water.. Saint peter said "what do you think you are doing?!"She said "I just want to wash my mouth out before she sits her fat ass in the holy water...
On the appointed day, St. Peter escorted John to the Holy Mother's sanctuary. John went before Her, knelt, and said: "Holy Mother, I've always looked to You for guidance, and You have granted me peace and serenity through some difficult times. But I have one question that has nagged me during my whole time on earth. In all the paintings that were done of you, and in all the sculptures that were carved of you, you always looked so sad. Why is that?"
Mary thought for a moment, pursing her lips. She said: "I always wanted a girl."
There were these three nuns that wanted the weekend off from being so holy. So they went up to the high priest and asked him for the day off. The priest said it was alright as long as they came back on Monday and told him what they did. The nuns agreed and scurried off. On Monday the nuns came back and went to the priest. The first nun was in confession and said to the priest, "Forgive me father for I have sinned." The priest asked her what she had done. "I ran down my street naked" The priest shakes his head ad looks at the nun and says "Go drink some holy water and say the Our Father 10 times. The nun obeys. Then third nun starts to snicker. The secnd nun goes into the room and says "forgive me father for I have sinned." The priest looks at her and says " What did you do?" "I watched a pornographich movie" The priests shakes his head and looks at the nun. "Go drink some holy water and then come back and say 20 Our more...