Holy Jokes / Recent Jokes
There were these three wanna be priests and they went up to a real priest. They asked him how they could become a priest. He said that they had to do something bad.
So the first priest runs out and robs a bank, the second one shoots an old lady the third one I will tell you later.
So they go up to the real priest and he asks the first one what he did bad.
He said he robbed a bank. The real priest says good go drink the holy water.
He asks the second one and says what did yo do bad.
He said he shoot an old lady. The priest says good go drink the holy water.
Then the priest says what did you do bad to the third wanna be. He said he pissed in the holy water
One day 3 men went to a shrine to ask the Father for forgivness.
The first man went to the Father and said: " Father, Father I have sinned!" Father: "What have you done?" The first man:" I have lied!" Father: "Drink the Holy water and you will be saved." And so the man drank the water and was "saved".
Then the second man went up to the Father and said:" Father, Father I have sinned!" Father: "What have you done?" The second man: " I have stolen from the jeweler's!" Father: "Drink the Holy water and you will be saved." And so the man drank the holy water and was "saved".
The third man went up to the Father and said: " Father, Father I have sinned!" Father: "What have you done?" The third man: " I peed in the Holy water!"
One day 3 men went to a shrine to ask the Father for forgivness.The first man went to the Father and said: " Father, Father I have sinned!" Father: "What have you done?" The first man:" I have lied!" Father: "Drink the Holy water and you will be saved." And so the man drank the water and was "saved".Then the second man went up to the Father and said:" Father, Father I have sinned!" Father: "What have you done?" The second man: " I have stolen from the jeweler's!" Father: "Drink the Holy water and you will be saved." And so the man drank the holy water and was "saved".The third man went up to the Father and said: " Father, Father I have sinned!" Father: "What have you done?" The third man: " I peed in the Holy water!"
Ok, so three people wanted to become part of a church. The minister said that each of them had to do a sin, then take a sip from the holy water. The three people a red-head, brunett and blonde went out to do their sins. The red-head came back first. The minister asked, what sin did you do? The red head said, I killed a cat. The minister said Ok you can take a sip of the holy water.Then the brunett came back. The minister asked, "What sin did you do?" The brunett said," I killed a dog" The minister then said Ok you can take a sip of the Holy water. Then last but not least came the blonde. The minister asked," What sin did you do?" The blonde replied,"I peed in the Holy Water"
The Dentist's Hymn
"Crown Him with Many Crowns"The TV Weatherman's Hymn
"There Shall be Showers of Blessing"The Contractor's Hymn
"The Church's one Foundation"The Tailor's Hymn
"Holy, Holy, Holy"The Golfer's Hymn
"There is a Green Hill Far Away"The Politician's Hymn
"Standing on the Promises"The Optometrist's Hymn
"Open Mine Eyes that I Might See"The IRS Hymn
"All to Thee"The Gossiper's Hymn
"Pass it On"The Electrician's Hymn
"Send the Light"The Shopper's Hymn
"Sweet by and by"
If you MUST speed on the highway - sing these hymns loudly:at 45 mph...
"God Will Take Care of Me"at 55 mph...
"Guide me, O Great Jehovah"at 65 mph...
"Nearer My God to Thee"at 75 mph...
"Nearer Still Nearer"at 85 mph...
"This World is not my Home"at 95 mph...
"Lord, I'm Coming more...
One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an
unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named
Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols.
This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young man
asked, excitedly.
"Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet like this." was the shop
owner's reply. Chet began to sing "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells!. .."
The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then
Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with "Silent Night, Holy Night..."
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as
quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she
was overwhelmed. "How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?"
"No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let more...