Holy Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little boy was sitting on the curb with a gallon of turpentine and shaking it up and watching all the bubbles. A little while later a Priest came along and asked the little boy what he had. The little boy replied, "This is the most powerful liquid in the world, its called turpentine."
The Priest said, "No, the most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water, If you take some of this Holy Water and rub it on a pregnant women's belly, she'll pass a healthy baby boy."
The little boy replied, "Shoot, that ain't nothin'. You take some of this here turpentine and rub it on a cat's butt and he'll pass a motorcycle."

Nuns are admitted to heaven through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels. Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy. "And so, says St. Peter, "have you ever had any contact with a penis?" "Well says the first nun in line, "I did once touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger." "OK" says St.Peter, "Dip your finger in holy water and pass into heaven. The next nun admits that "Well yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged it a bit." "OK" says St. Peter, "Rinse your hand in holy water and pass on into heaven."
Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front. "Well now, what's going on in here?" says St. Peter. "Well you excellency, "says the nun who is trying to improve her position in line, "if I'm more...

There was a boy riding on his bike outside a church.
The priest saw him and told him to come into the church and the boy said,"...But they'll steal my bike."
The priest explained how the Holy Spirit would take care of it, so they went inside.
The priest showed the boy how to make the sign of the cross and told the boy to repeat it..."In the name of the Father, The Son...Amen"
The priest said,"What about the Holy Spirit?"
The boy replied, "Its outside taking care of my bike!"

There was a boy riding on his bike outside a church.The priest saw him and told him to come into the church and the boy said,"...But they'll steal my bike."The priest explained how the Holy Spirit would take care of it, so they went inside.The priest showed the boy how to make the sign of the cross and told the boy to repeat it..."In the name of the Father, The Son...Amen"The priest said,"What about the Holy Spirit?"The boy replied, "Its outside taking care of my bike!"

A Texan goes to Toronto for a vacation.
There he grabs a cab at the airport and says he's on his way to The Royal York Hotel.
The Cabby heads downtown on his way he passes Queens Park,
"What's that" says the Texan
"Oh! That's Queens Park" says the Cabby, "Its our Provincial Government, its like your State Government" Those buildings are almost 200 years old and they are quite big".
Oh! We have buildings much older than that and at least twice as large" says the Texan.
They continue along and past First Canadian Place.
"Holy cow" says the Texan "What's that"?
"Why that's First Canadian Place, its the biggest office complex in the country" says the Cabby " it took almost 4 years to build".
"Really" says the Texan "Why in Houston they have buildings twice that big, and built in less than 1/2 the time"
They continue on the way, the cabby a little more...

A Texan goes to Toronto for a vacation.There he grabs a cab at the airport and says he's on his way to The Royal York Hotel.The Cabby heads downtown on his way he passes Queens Park,"What's that" says the Texan"Oh! That's Queens Park" says the Cabby, "Its our Provincial Government, its like your State Government" Those buildings are almost 200 years old and they are quite big".Oh! We have buildings much older than that and at least twice as large" says the Texan.They continue along and past First Canadian Place."Holy cow" says the Texan "What's that"?"Why that's First Canadian Place, its the biggest office complex in the country" says the Cabby " it took almost 4 years to build"."Really" says the Texan "Why in Houston they have buildings twice that big, and built in less than 1/2 the time"They continue on the way, the cabby a little miffed at the bragging, when they drive past the CN more...

DENTIST'S HYMN: "Crown Him with Many Crowns"
WEATHERMAN'S HYMN: "There Shall be Showers of Blessing"
CONTRACTOR'S HYMN: "The Church's One Foundation"
TAILOR'S HYMN: "Holy, Holy, Holy"
GOLFER'S HYMN: "There is a Green Hill Far Away"
POLITICIAN'S HYMN: "Standing on the Promises"
OPTOMETRIST'S HYMN: "Open Mine Eyes that I Might See"
I.R.S. HYMN: "All to Thee"
GOSSIP'S HYMN: "Pass It On"
ELECTRICIAN'S HYMN: "Send the Light"
SHOPPER'S HYMN: "Sweet By and By"