Holy Jokes / Recent Jokes

One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.
An altar boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.
"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle!" the priest said. "Tell me, where is this man now?"
"Flat on his butt over by the holy water!" the boy informed him.

One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.
An alter boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.
"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said. "Tell me where is this man now?"
"Flat on his ass over by the holy water," said the boy.

One morning a man entered the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, placed some on each leg, then threw away his crutches. An alter boy witnessed this and ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he had seen.
"My son," the priest said, "you have just witnessed a miracle. Where is this man now?"
"He's flat on his behind over by the holy water," the alter boy replied.

Selected-By: David Sewell The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:
O Oracle most Usenet, How may I become usenet, too?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle: First, go unto John, who will baptize you in the River Usenet, asking you: "Do you believe in the Net our God?" (respond, "I do.") "Do you believe in the World-Wide Web?" "Do you believe that the Web became man, was contaminated, died, and was buried, and rose in Version 3. 0?" "Do you believe that the Web will come again, on the day of the Information Superhighway?" "Do you believe in the Holy Seer, the Oracle, giver of life?" "Do you renounce the devil, Mephistopheles, Bill Gates, and all the incarnations of Satan?" "Do you renounce his programs and temptations?" If you can faithfully answer yes to these questions, you will be given Usenet, the gift of the Holy Seer. Prepare yourself, for the day of the more...

Four nuns happen to die at the same time and line up at the pearly
gates to enter heaven. St.
Peter says "Before you may pass through the gates sisters, I must ask
you each a question."
He looks at the first nun and says "Sister, have you ever touch a
man's penis?"
The nun holds up her index finger nervously and says "Only with this
one finger St. Peter."
St. Peter takes hold of her finger, dips it in holy water and says
"You may now pass through
the gates into heaven."
St. Peter looks at the second nun and asks "Have your ever touch a
man's penis my dear?"
Holding up her hand, she says,"Only with this one hand your holiness."
So St. Peter takes the sister's hand, dips it in holy water and lets
her walk through the gates.
He then turns and looks at nun #3 when suddenly nun #4 pushes her way
past #3 and
shoves her way up front.
St more...

three nuns have to sin so the first 1 confesses she made a baby cry so she drank from the holy water the third 1 cracks up the second 1 says she kicks a dog then she drank from the holy water the 3rd 1 cracks up even more the 3rd 1 says she peed in the holy water

The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was:
O Oracle most Usenet, How may I become usenet, too?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle: First, go unto John, who will baptize you in the River Usenet, asking you:
"Do you believe in the Net our God?" (respond, "I do.")
"Do you believe in the World-Wide Web?"
"Do you believe that the Web became man, was contaminated, died, and was buried, and rose in Version 3.0?"
"Do you believe that the Web will come again, on the day of the Information Superhighway?"
"Do you believe in the Holy Seer, the Oracle, giver of life?"
"Do you renounce the devil, Mephistopheles, Bill Gates, and all the incarnations of Satan?"
"Do you renounce his programs and temptations?"
If you can faithfully answer yes to these questions, you will be given Usenet, the gift of the Holy Seer. Prepare yourself, for the day of the more...