Honest Jokes / Recent Jokes

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.

Two small boys were overheard talking one day.
"My name is Jimmy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.
"Johnnie," replied the second.
"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Jimmy.
Johnnie replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."
"Honest?" asked Jimmy.
"No, just the regular kind", replied Johnnie.

An independent woman started her own business. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, and so she began interviewing young lawyers."As I'm sure you can understand," she started off with one of the first applicants, "in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question." She leaned forward. "Mr. Peterson, are you an 'honest' lawyer?""Honest?" replied the job prospect. "Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I'm so honest that my dad lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.""Impressive. And what sort of case was that?"He squirmed in his seat and admitted, "My dad sued me for the money."

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them.

You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...
Straighten it. Ignore it. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar- powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.
The correct answer is "3" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."
SOCIAL SKILLS
Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction. "Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction: Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation Important social contacts A feeling of connectedness with other humans In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions: Get it over with as soon as possible Avoid getting invited to something more...

"Tell me," said the personnel director of a large corporation, "are you an honest attorney?"
"Honest?" the lawyer replied. "Let me tel you something. My lather lent me ten thousant dollars for my education, and I paid him back d| full after my very first case."
"I'm impressed," he said. "And what case was that?"
The attorney squirmed slightly. "He sued me for the money."

Here's a dilemma for you... With all your honor and dignity what would you do? This test only has one question, but it's a very important one.
Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will be able to test where you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, where you will have to make a decision one way or the other. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please scroll down slowly and consider each line - this is important for the test to work accurately.
You're in Florida...In Miami, to be exact. There is great chaos going on around you, caused by a hurricane and severe floods. There are huge masses of water all over you. You are a CNN photographer and you are in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot very impressive photos. There are houses and people floating around you, disappearing into the water. Nature more...