Honesty Jokes / Recent Jokes
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defence.
An american, a russian, and a dane was discussing the differences between their countries. Pretty soon the general talking turned into general bragging about how terrific their respective countries where.
The Russian said, "Our navy is so big, that if we all sailed out at once, it would cover every ocean in the world."
The American, not wanting to let the Russian get the better of him, continued, "Well, our Air Force is so big that if all of our planes took off at once we could cover the sky all over the world."
The Dane thought for a while then said: "I once new a guy in Odense whose dick was so long that 17 parrots could sit on it at once."
They stood for a while not saying anything, until the Russian decided he might modify his bold statement a bit, "Well maybe the ships wouldn't cover ALL of the ocean."
The American, feeling the need for honesty as well said, "Well, maybe the planes wouldn't cover all of the sky more...
A doctor had just bought a villa on the French Riviera, when met an old lawyer friend whom he hadn't seen in years, and they started talking. The lawyer, as it turned out, owned a nearby villa. They discussed how they came to retire to the Riviera.
"Remember that lousy office complex I bought?" asked the lawyer, "Well, it caught fire, and I retired here with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?"
The doctor replied, "Remember that real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds. It's amazing that we both ended up here in pretty much the same way."
"It sure is," the lawyer replied, looking puzzled, "but I'm confused about one thing - how do you start a flood?"
A man went into the Chamber of Commerce of a small town, obviously desperate. He asked the man at the counter, "Is there a criminal attorney in town?
The man replied, "We think so - but we can't prove it yet."
A businessman was trying to choose a lawyer, but was being very careful about it. He scheduled appointments to interview three lawyers.
At the first lawyer's office, after an initial exchange of pleasantries, the businessman said, "Okay, let's get down to business. I have an important question for you, and I want you to think carefully before answering. How much is two plus two?"
The lawyer raised his eyebrows. "two plus two is four." The businessman thanked him for his time, and proceeded to his next appointment.
The second lawyer, who was also a CPA, seemed a bit more particular than the first lawyer. After an initial discussion, the businessman again announced that he had a very important question, and asked, "How much is two plus two?"
The second lawyer went over to a computer, and entered figures into a spreadsheet. "According to my calculations, two plus two is approximately four." The businessman thanked him for his more...