Honey Jokes / Recent Jokes

Paul returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife, Cindy, that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live. Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him. Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.
Six hours later, Paul went to her again, and said, "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Cindy agrees and again they make love.
Later, Paul is getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left. He touched Cindy's shoulder and said, "Honey? Please? Just one more time before I die." She agreed, then afterward she rolled over and fell asleep. Paul, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours. He tapped his wife on shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we...?"
His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Paul, I have to get up in the more...

These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say... "IT'S A GUY THING" "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" "Why isn't it already on the table?" "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR" Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response. "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN" "I have no idea how it works." "TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD." "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." "Are you still talking?" "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." "I remember the theme song to' F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned.. but I forgot your birthday." "OH, more...

My wife came home yesterday and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."
I asked her what it was and she told me it has water in the carburetor.
I thought for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you don't know the carburetor from the accelerator."
"No, there's definitely water in the carburetor" she insisted.
"OK, Honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?"
"In the lake!"

My wife came home yesterday and said, "Honey, the car won't start, but I know what the problem is."I asked her what it was and she told me it has water in the carburetor.I thought for a moment, then said, "You know I don't mean this badly, but you don't know the carburetor from the accelerator.""No, there's definitely water in the carburetor" she insisted."OK, Honey, that's fine, I'll just go take a look. Where is it?""In the lake!"

These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say...

"IT`S A GUY THING"

Translated:* "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"

Translated:* "Why isn`t it already on the table?"

"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"

Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It`s a conditioned response.

"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"

Translated:* "I have no idea how it works."

"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU`RE WORKING TOO HARD."

Translated:* "I can`t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"THAT`S INTERESTING, DEAR."

Translated:* "Are you still talking?"

"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY more...

There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They
were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the old
gentleman said to his wife, "Just think, honey, we've been married
for 50 years."
"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting
here at this breakfast table together."
"I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked
as jaybirds fifty years ago."
"Well," Granny snickered, "What do you say... should we get naked?"
Where upon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
"You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My
nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."
"I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee
and the other is in your oatmeal!!!"

The brunette had been married about a year. One day the she came running up to her husband, jumping for joy. He didn`t know how to react, so he started jumping up and down along with her. "Why are we so happy?" he asked. She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!" "Great" he said, "tell me what you`re so happy about." She stopped, breathless from all the jumping up and down "I`m pregnant!" she gasped. The husband was ecstatic as they had been trying for quite a while. He grabbed her, and kissed her "Wow, that is wonderful," "I couldn`t be happier!" Then she said, "Oh, honey there`s more." "What do you mean more?", he asked. "Well we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!" He was amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant "How do you that," he asked. "It was easy," she said."I went to the pharmacy and bought the 2 more...