Honey Jokes / Recent Jokes
It was this little girl's first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she replied, "Happy Butt." The teacher said, "Honey I don't think that's your name you need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out." So she went to the principal's office and he asked, "What's your name?" And the little girl said, "Happy Butt." The principal called the girl's mother to get this straightened out once and for all. After getting off the phone he looked at the little girl and said, "Honey, your name's is Gladys, not Happy Butt." The girl then exclaimed, "Glad Ass, Happy Butt what's the difference?"
Fourth Place:
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says,' Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.'
She replies,' If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'
Third Place:
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says' I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.'
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'
Runner Up:
Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle more...
It was this little girl's first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she replied, "Happy Butt." The teacher said, "Honey I don't think that's your name you need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out." So she went to the principal's office and he asked, "What's your name?" And the little girl said, Happy Butt." The principal called the girl's mother to get this straightened out once and for all. After getting off the phone he looked at the little girl and said, "Honey, your name's is Gladys, not Happy Butt." The girl then exclaimed, "Glad Ass, Happy Butt" what's the difference?
It was this little girl's first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she replied, "Happy Butt." The teacher said,
"Honey I don't think that's your name you need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out." So she went to the principal's office and he asked, "What's your name?" And the little girl said, "Happy Butt."
The principal called the girl's mother to get this straightened out once and for all. After getting off the phone he looked at the little girl and said, "Honey, your name's is Gladys, not Happy Butt."
The girl then exclaimed, "Glad Ass, Happy Butt" what's the difference?
The new Men's Thesaurus - on sale now at your local book stores!:"I'M GOING FISHING"Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."IT'S A GUY THING"Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical"."CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?""UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response."IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"Means: "I have no idea how it works.""I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra.""TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.""THAT'S more...
A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's vagina. The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital.
After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp.
The man agreed to try, but because he was so nervous, he couldn't rise to the occasion. "if neither of you objects," the medic said, "I could give it a try."
Under the circumstances, both agreed. The doctor quickly undressed, slathered on some honey and mounted the woman. The husband watched with increasing alarm as the doctor's thrust continued for several long minutes. "Hey, What the hell is happening?"
"Change of plans," The physician panted. " I'm going to drown the little more...
One day Steve is feeling a little turned on, so he calls his young daughter over and says, "Honey, go and tell mommy that I would really like to type a letter."
The little girl runs off and finds her mom. "Mommy," she shouts, "Daddy wants to type a letter."
Bev grins sheepishly and replies, "Sweetheart, go and tell Daddy that he can't type a letter today because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter."
She runs off to her father and gives him the message.
A few days later, Bev remembers that Steve was keen on a bit of nookie, so she calls her daughter over, "Sweetheart, go and tell Daddy that he can type his letter today."
The little girl goes off to find her father and tells him, "Daddy, Mommy said you can type your letter today."
"That's ok, honey," Steve replies, "You can tell mommy I don't need the typewriter anymore, I wrote my letter by hand."