Honey Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day a sweet girl becomes puzzled about her origin.
"How'd I get here, Mommy?" she asks.
Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase,"God sent you, Honey."
"And did God send you too, Mommy?"she continues.
"Yes, Sweetheart, he did."
"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads too?"
"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."
The child shakes her head in disbelief.
"Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!
TOP15. Some of the myths about marriage... Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. Their passion is heating up. Then the wife stops and says: "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." The husband says: "WHAT??" The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen and he might as well deal with it. So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewelry Dept. where she gets a set of diamond ear rings. His wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out but she does not care. She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says: "But you don't even play tennis, but OK if you like it then let's get it." The wife is jumping more...
On their honeymoon night, the bride turns to her husband and says, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and don't know anything about sex, so I'm a little nervous. Would you explain it to me first?"
"Sure, Sweetheart," the husband replies. "Putting it simply, we'll call your private place 'the prison', and we'll call my private thing 'the prisoner'. What we do is this... we put the prisoner in the prison."
They then make love for the first time. Afterwards, the husband sprawls out on the bed, face up, with a look of satisfaction on his face.
A few minutes later, the bride nudges him and giggles, "Honey, the prisoner seems to have escaped."
He turns on his side and with a big grin, says, "Well, we'll just have to re-imprison him."
After making love the second time, the husband rolls over and reaches for a cigarette. The wife, however, is thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love. Giving him a seductive smile, more...
A little girl and her mother were out and about.
Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.
The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at more...
This guy runs home and bursts in yelling, "Pack your bags honey, I just won the lottery!" She says, "Oh wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?" He replies, "I don't care... Just get the f**k out!"
One Sunday morning Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White
House and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am
getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in
Georgetown and his name is Matt."
After dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. "Honey, I have to
talk with you. Your mother and I have been married a long time. She's
a wonderful wife but she's never offered much excitement in the
bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Matt is actually
your half-brother, and I'm afraid you can't marry him." Chelsea was
heart-broken.
After eight months she eventually started dating again. A year later
she came home and very proudly announced, "Robert asked me to marry
him! We're getting married in June." Again her father insisted on
another private conversation and broke the sad news.
"Robert is your half-brother too, honey. I'm awfully more...
One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks.
Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey."
"And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues.
"Yes, Sweetheart, he did."
"And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?"
"Yes, Honey, all of them, too."
The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!"