Honeymoon Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman's horse mis-steps and jostles the man's wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, walks over to the horse, and stares into its eyes. Finally, he states, "That's one." The man remounts his horse and they continue their ride. A bit further down the path, the woman's horse stumbles when stepping over a fallen tree. The man dismounts, stares the horse in the eyes, and boldly states, "That's two!" He returns to his saddle and they move on. As the afternoon sun began to set, the woman's horse once again lost its footing on a mossy slope. The man dismounts, moves to the woman's horse, and helps his wife out of the saddle the man. Moving to the front o f the horse he stares it in the eyes and firmly says, "That's three," more...

A young couple, just married, were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big burly man, tossed his pants to his bride and said, "here put these on."

She put them on, and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't wear your pants," she said.

"That's right!!", said the husband, "and don't you forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family!"

With that she flipped him her panties and said, "try these on."

He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecap. He said, "hell, I can't get into your panties!"

She said, "that's right, and that's the way it's going to be until your goddamn attitude changes!"

A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman's horse stumbles and jostles the man's wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, walks over to the horse, and stares into its eyes and says, "That's one." The man remounts his horse and they continue their ride. A bit further down the path, the woman's horse stumbles when stepping over a fallen tree. The man dismounts, stares the horse in the eyes, and boldly states, "That's two!"He returns to his saddle and they move on. As the afternoon sun began to set, the woman's horse once again lost its footing on a mossy slope. The man dismounts, moves to the woman's horse, and helps his wife out of the saddle the man. Moving to the front of the horse he stares it in the eyes and firmly says, "That's three," removes a pistol more...

The old couple were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 50th wedding anniversary. The old woman said, "We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon."
"Uh huh," said the old man.
"We will do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon," said the old woman.
"Uh huh," said the old man.
"And we will make love like we did on our first honeymoon," said the old woman.
"That's right," said the old man, "except this time I get to sit on the side of the bed and cry, 'It's too big, it's too big!'"

The old couple were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 50th wedding anniversary.
The old woman said, "We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon." "Uh huh," said the old man.
"We will do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon," said the old woman. "Uh huh," said the old man.
"And we will make love like we did on our first honeymoon," said the oldwoman.
"That's right," said the old man, "except this time I get to sit on the side of the bed and cry, 'It's too big, it's too big!'"

A hillbilly kid marries his childhood sweetheart. Their honeymoon was to take place in a hunting lodge located in a special area, which is only accessible by train. They get to the station where they wait for four hours. All of the waiting passengers are getting a little miffed.
The bride realizes that she needs to go to the little girls' room, and upon returning, she's crying hysterically. Her husband asks her what was up.
After a lot of effort, she says, "As I was waiting in line to use the bathroom, I overheard a couple of hunters say that if the train doesn't get here soon, the f***ing season will be over."

The old couple were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 50th wedding anniversary.The old woman said, "We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon." "Uh huh," said the old man."We will do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon," said the old woman. "Uh huh," said the old man."And we will make love like we did on our first honeymoon," said the oldwoman. "That's right," said the old man, "except this time I get to sit on the side of the bed and cry, 'It's too big, it's too big!'"