Honeymoon Jokes / Recent Jokes

Marriage Quotes 1
In a great romance, each person plays a part the other really likes. - Elizabeth Ashley
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success. - Jim Backus
No man should marry until he has studied anatomy and dissected at least one woman. - Honore de Balzac
Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting. - Ray Bandy
Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it. - Baskins
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. - Milton Berle, when called to the microphone at the 2nd Annual Comedians Hall of Fame Inductions
Love: a temporary insanity often curable by marriage. - Ambrose Bierce
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity. - Ambrose Bierce
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me more...

The old couple were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their
50th wedding anniversary.
The old woman said, "We will go to all the same places that we did on
our first honeymoon."
"Uh huh," agreed the old man.
"We will do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon," said
the old woman.
"Uh huh," agreed the old man.
"And we will make love like we did on our first honeymoon," said the
old woman.
"That's right," said the old man, "except this time I get to sit on
the side of the bed and cry, 'It's too big, it's too big!'"

Johnny and Betsy just got married after having graduated as Aggies and are driving to Austin for their honeymoon. Along the way, Johnny, who's at the wheel, reaches over and places his hand on Betsy's knee. Betsy smiles and blushes, and says, "Oh Johnny, we're married now, you can go farther than that!"So they drove to Laredo for their honeymoon instead.

You know the honeymoon is pretty much over when you start to go out with the boys on Wednesday nites, and so does she.

In the middle of his honeymoon, the young hillbilly bridegroom left his bride back at the hotel and shows up at his parents house completely distraught. His father asks him, "Son, why you not with you bride on you honeymoon?" The boy replies, "Daddy I was jus' gettin ready to love my bride when she tell me she want me to know she a virgin. So I come to ask what do I do?" The father says, "Boy don' be tellin me you don' know what do wid a womin, specially a virgin.." The boy says, "Daddy, course I knows what to do wid a woman, but dis be ma wife." The father replies, "So what difference dis make?" To which the son says, "Well daddy, I jus got to figure if she ain't good nuff for her own family she shore ain't good enough for ours!"

For their golden anniversary, a couple decides to repeat their honeymoon trip. They drive to the Poconos and find the same romantic lodge is still there. A vibrant young couple, clearly very much in love, is checking in when they arrive.
The husband says, "I'll just nip around by their window and see what they are doing. We can maybe get some ideas to spice up our 50th year!"
Sure enough, through a crack in the curtains he sees the young couple engaged in foreplay. They are naked, sitting on the floor some distance apart with their legs spread. The young man is shooting marbles, aiming to lodge them between her vertical lips; she is tossing doughnuts, aiming to ring them around his erect member. After a few minutes of this, they rush together and make mad tumultuous love like crazed weasels.
The old man is quite excited by this idea, and makes his way back to his eagerly waiting wife. He describes the game, his wife getting more and more aroused more...

A young couple got back from the honeymoon, and the bride immediately called her mother.

Mom asked, "How was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mother," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic, we had a terrific time!

But, mother, as soon as we returned, he began using really horrible language... Stuff I`d never heard before... Really terrible 4-letter words... You`ve got to come get me and take me home... PLEASE MOTHER!"

And the new bride began to sob over the telephone.

But honey," the mother countered, "WHAT 4-letter words?"

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Mother....words like: DUST...WASH...IRON...COOK.