Honor Jokes / Recent Jokes

A FRIEND OF MINE HAS AN 18 YEAR OLD SON NAMED LEROY. HE ATTENDS OAKLAND HIGH SCHOOL WHERE THEY TEACH EBONICS AS A SECOND LANGUAGE. LAST WEEK HE WAS GIVEN AN EASY HOMEWORK ASSIGNMENT. ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS PUT EACH OF THE FOLLOWING WORDS IN A SENTENCE. THIS IS WHAT LEROY DID.
1. RECTUM: I HAD TWO CADILLACS, BUT MY OL'LADY RECTUM BOTH.
2. HOTEL: I GAVE MY GIRLFRIEND DA CRABS AND THE HOTEL EVERYBODY.
3. ODYSSEY: I TOLD MY BRO, YOU ODYSSEY THE JUGS ON THIS HOE.
4. STAIN: MY MOTHER-IN-LAW AXED IF I WAS STAIN FOR DINNER AGAIN.
5. SELDOM: MY COUSIN GAVE ME TWO TICKETS TO THE KNICKS GAME, SO I SELDOM.
6. PENIS: I WENT TO DA DOCTOR AND HE HANDED ME A CUP AND SAID PENIS.
7. CATACOMB: DON KING WAS AT THE FIGHT THE OTHER NIGHT, MAN, SOMEBODY GIVE THAT CATACOMB.
8. FORCLOSE: IF I PAY ALIMONY THIS MONTH, I'LL HAVE NO MONEY FORCLOSE.
9. UNDERMINE: THERE IS A FINE LOOKIN' HOE LIVIN' IN THE APARTMENT UNDERMINE.
10. TRIPOLI: I WAS GONNA BUY MY OLD LADY A BRA BUT I more...

Mick and Moe were arrested for smoking dope; they appeared in court on Friday. After hearing the charges against them, the judge said, "You seem like nice young men.... and this is your first offense. I'm going to give you both a second chance. Rather than wasted time in jail, you could be of great value to our community. Go out this weekend and explain to others the evils of drug use.... try to convince them to give up drugs forever! Be back in this same courtroom on Monday at 9 o'clock sharp."
Monday, the two reappeared before the judge. "How did you do over the weekend?" he asked of Mick. "Well, Sir, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever."
"Seventeen! That's wonderful!" What did you tell them?" asked the judge. "I used a diagram, your Honor," explained Mick. "I drew two circles; I told them' the big circle is your brain before drugs; the small circle is your brain after drugs.' "
"That's more...

As Mickey and Minnie were before the judge in divorce court, the judge looked at Mickey and said, "Listen here, Mr. Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie."
"But why not, Your Honor?" a stunned Mickey asked.
"I have reviewed all the information you submitted to the court and I can find no evidence to support the allegation that she's crazy," explained the judge.
"Your Honor," Mickey exclaimed, "I didn't say she was 'crazy', I said she was fucking Goofy."

A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court, taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support.
The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that, considering her record, he was forced to impose a jail term.
"This time you stole a can of tomatoes. There were six tomatoes in the can. Do you agree?"
The woman agreed.
"Then I sentence you to six nights in jail."
The husband jumped to his feet, addressing the judge, "Your honor, may I approach the bench?"
"Well," said his honor, "this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case. You may approach the bench."
The husband wasted no time getting there and, leaning forward, he said in a low voice, "She also stole a can of peas."

Four corporate presidents, one English, one French, one Japanese and one
American, were on their way to an international business conference when
they were kidnaped by terrorists and taken to a secret hideout.
"You, your companies and your countries are enemies of the Revolution," screamed
the terrorist leader, "and you're going to be executed! Do you have any last
requests?"
The Englishman spoke first.
"Before I die, I want to honor my contry and protest this barbaric act by
singing "God Save The Queen" to all your men."
"That can be arranged," said the terrorist.
The Frenchman said, "And I want to honor MY country before I die by singing
"The Marseilles" to your men."
The Japanese said, "Before I die, I wish to honor MY country by giving the
lecture I was going to present on the Japanese style of industrial management."
The terrorist turned finally more...