"Mickey's Divorce" joke
As Mickey and Minnie were before the judge in divorce court, the judge looked at Mickey and said, "Listen here, Mr. Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie."
"But why not, Your Honor?" a stunned Mickey asked.
"I have reviewed all the information you submitted to the court and I can find no evidence to support the allegation that she's crazy," explained the judge.
"Your Honor," Mickey exclaimed, "I didn't say she was 'crazy', I said she was fucking Goofy."
Scientists have invented, at the cost of $75 million in research, a robot that repels eyeliner, lipstick & mascara.
You couldn't make it up!
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue more...
Bits of information to help you through the day:
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. (In my next life I want to be a pig!)
Banging your head more...
Donald Duck and Minnie Mouse were up in a hotel room and decided that they wanted to have sex. Well, the first thing Minnie asks is, "Do you have a condom?"
Donald says "No."
Minnie tells Donald that if he doesn't get a condom that they can't have sex more...