Honour Jokes / Recent Jokes

Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.

"Your honour," he said, "I wanna get out a warrent for that dirty lawyer of mine."

"Why? " asked the judge. "He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for?"

"Well, your honour," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole."

(This happened about 15 years ago to my father-in-law, who worked at
the time for the anti-trust division of the justice department.)
The justice department was trying a case against a company in New
York, who had engaged the senior partner of the biggest law firm
there, Alan Dean, to defend them. My father-in-law represented
the Justice department.
There was a LOT of evidence and each side had their own idea about
how to refer to the exhibits. My father in law went by the school
of 1A, 1B, 1C, 2A, 2B etc, while Alan Dean went by A, AA, B, BB, BBB, C.
At one point, well into the trial, a piece of evidence for the
defense was labeled "PPPP." The judge was about half asleep
but this reference caught his attention.
Judge: Mr. Dean, what number was that exhibit?
Alan Dean: Pee pee pee pee your honour.
(the courtroom and judge giggles, every time pee pee pee pee is
mentioned)
Judge: (smirk) Mr. Dean, please more...

The world's best and most famous conductor makes a small mistake
while conducting the New York Symphony Orchestra. The audience
doesn't notice, the orchestra didn't notice either, but he knew
he'd made the mistake and decided that he should retire. Once the
performance had finished, he turned and faced the audience and said
"Ladies and Gentleman, this is my last performance as a world class
conductor. I'm now announcing my retirement."
After a few minutes silence from the shocked audience, and orchestra
too, he was greeted with boos and hisses. He walked from the stage,
only to be met by his manager, standing in between two gorilla-sized
bodyguards. "Oh no you don't", his manager said, "you're not retiring."
Forced backed to work by his manager, he endured week after week of
conducting he no longer wanted to do. While lying in bed one night
with his wife of many years, he turned to her and said more...