Hood Jokes / Recent Jokes

It's a simple feat to format and reuse AOL disks... but with a little imagination, a truly useful purpose can be found for those pesky white platters invading our mailboxes and magazines.
Mini cutting board (great for the office or the car, use metal door for knife).
Attach it to a ruler and presto! - you've got a fly swatter.
Construct a life size replica of Stonehenge.
At a restaurant, shove one under a wobbling table leg.
Money clip (use the metal door and discard the plastic case... the "rich nerd" look is IN this year).
Eye patch (for one-eyed software pirates).
Christmas ornaments (the more the merrier).
Give them to young children to use as building blocks.
Glue them to the bottom of the space shuttle and use them as re-entry burn tiles.
Dentures (melt & form them into new teeth for grandma).
Room dividers for hamsters.
Drink coasters.
Use multiple disks to create an ideal door stopper.
Ice scraper.
Bathroom more...

The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses they were 'protecting'. Feeling the heat from the police, they decided to use a deaf person for the job. That way, should he get caught, he would be unable to communicate to the police what he was doing.
During his first week on the job, the deaf collector picks up over $60,000. He quickly becomes greedy, decides to keep the money and hides it in a safe place. Realizing that their collection is late, the mafia sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deaf man and ask him where the money is. Since the deaf collector is unable to communicate with them, they drag him to an interpreter.
The mafia hood tells the interpreter, "Ask him where da money is." The interpreter signs "Where's the money?" to the deaf man.
The deaf man signs back, "I don't know what you're talking about."
The interpreter says to the hood, "He more...

Why did Robin Hood steal from the rich? Because the poor didn't have any!

Two nuns are traveling through Tansylvania in their car. They get stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, a diminutive vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and scratches at the windshield!
"Quick, quick!!" shouts the first nun, "What shall I do?"
"Turn the windshield wipers on, that will get rid of the abomination," shouts the second.
She switches them on, knocking the vampire about, but he clings on and hisses even more loudly!
"What'll I do now?", shouts the first nun.
"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water in the Vatican!" says the second.
The vampire steams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and hisses again at the nuns.
"Now what?" screams the first nun.
"Show him your cross!" says the second.
So the nun rolls down the window and shouts: "GET OFF MY FUCKING HOOD!!"

Hood River: Juggling is strictly prohibited without a license.(Oregon Dumb Laws)

14 Things to do While Taking a Driver's Test1. Turn the radio on. When the tester goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.2. Rev the car really high, turn to the tester, and say with an evil look, "buckle up!"3. Come dressed in a suit. Before the examiner gets in the car, ask him/her to put a piece of saran wrap down so he doesn't dirty the seat.4. When the examiner tells you to stop, pop the hood clutch and say "oops".5. Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, "now which one is the gas again?"6. After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and check the oil.7. Fill your car with beer bottles.8. The whole time driving, talk about how Aunt Gertrude smells like mothballs.9. Tell the Registrar that you are taking the remedial test.10. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.11. Swear at everybody on the road.12. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and forth between the person next more...

Once ther was an insurance saleman from the city going out to the farm community to sell insurance to the farmers. He was way out in the country when he had engine trouble. Not knowing anything about cars he gets out and looks under the hood anyway.
All of a sudden he hears a voice that says " Its the carborator "
The insurance man jumps, and looks around, seeing no one . He then looks under the hood again hoping it is something visible that he could fix himself, when he hears the voice again " Its the carborator "
The man jumps again and turns around only seeing a large Brahma bull behind him. Scared out of his wits he takes off running to the nearest farm house he can see.
He knocks on the door, the farmer answers, the man immediately goes into his speal about the bull.
The farmer scratches his head and says " Does he have one straight ear and one floppy ear? "
The man nods "Yes, Yes ".
The farmer laughs and says more...