Hook Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to one of those big "everything under one roof" stores looking for a job.

The manager asked, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid said, "Sure, I was a salesman back home in Texas."

The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to see how things went."How many sales did you make today?"

The young man replied without hesitating, "One."

The boss said, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

The kid said, "$101, 237. 64."

The boss said, "$101, 237. 64?! What the hell did you sell?!"

The kid said, "First I sold him a more...

A pirate with a peg leg, hook hand, and a patched eye walks into a bar and orders a beer.After the beer the bartender says,"I hope you dont mind me asking but why do you have a peg leg?"The pirate replies,"We were coming ashore and the ship tipped over and an alligator bit me leg off." After the next beer the bartender says"I hope you dont mind me asking but How did you get a hook for a hand?" The pirate replied "We were coming into shore and the alligator bit me hand off." After his last beer the bartender says,"I hope you dont mind me asking but How did you get the patched eye?" The pirate replied,"We were coming into shore when a bird pooped on me face and it was my first day with me hook."

An Indian moves to Montreal and goes to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager asks,' Do you have any sales experience?'
The Indian says,' Yeah, I was a salesman back home'.
Well, the manager liked the young man, so he gave him the job.' You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did, but let me give you a bit of advice. If a customer comes looking, say, for toothpaste, you might suggest for him a toothbrush, or shaving cream etc. You get the idea?'
'Of course,' the young man said. His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the manager came down.' How many sales did you make today?
The Indian says,' One'
The manager groans,' Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales/day.
How much was the sale for?'
The Indian says,' $101, 237. 64.'
The manager exclaims,' What? $101, 237. 64? What did you sell him?'
The Indian replied,' First I sold him a more...

Did you know that last month's (expletive) phone bill is over $450? my wife scolded me in her harshest, my-husband-the-child voice. "That's more than twice the monthly payment you make for that (expletive)computer!" she continued as she escalated to screaming."I confess! I confess!" I sobbed. "I'm just an on-line junkie. I'm addicted to my modem! I guess I'll just have to join Modems Anonymous before I owe my soul to the phone company. "As a counselor for Modems Anonymous, I hear numerous variations of the preceding story every day. That insidious disease, modem fever, is exacting a tragically large toll from the cream of our society's computer users. Modem-mania is sweeping through the very foundations of our country and there seems to be no stopping it. This disease (yes, it is a social disease of almost epidemic proportions) is becoming a such calamity that soon there's even going to be a soap opera about on-line addiction named, "All My Modems. more...

IF YOU'RE A GUY: You arrive to the party with a group of 10 or more other guys (in Honda's of course!). You are wearing a plaid or flannel shirt w/ a pair of jeans, Doc Martin's, and a white shirt underneath. The line at the door is short with mostly guys (90% guys/10% girls). You don't mind if any girl cuts in front of you even they are ugly. If a guy cuts, you want to start a fight. You hair contains two bottles of mousse, one tube of gel, and one can of hair spray in case one strand gets out of place. You are either bald or you have a 2-hour old fade. Your pants are sagging, a pager is always in the right front pocket snapped on backwards, and your car alarm remote is hanging out in the left front pocket. You stare at every girl at the party, but never approach any of them. You hope the girl you've been looking at, knows one of your friends and then you will say "HOOK ME UP!" Gets a woody if a cute girl happens to look at you and smile. As you come into the party, you say more...