Hook Jokes / Recent Jokes
Little Johnny applied for a salesman's job at a big department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there. The boss asked him,' Have you ever been a salesman before?'' No, this is my first job,' said the lad, but the boss liked the cut of him and said,' You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you when we close up.' The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5 o'clock came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked,' How many sales did you make today?'' One,' said the young salesman.' Only one?' blurted the boss,' Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth??'' Three hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty four dollars.' said Little Johnny.' How did you manage that?' asked the flabbergasted boss.' Well,' said Little Johnny,' this man came in and I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium hook and finally a really large hook. Then I sold him a small fishing line, a medium one and a huge big more...
A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, "How did you loose your leg?"
The pirate responded, "I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!"
His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, "What about your hand. Did you loose it at the same time?"
"No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys."
Finally, the land-lubber asked, "I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you loose your eye?"
The pirate answered, "I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye."
The land-lubber asked, "How could a little seagull crap make you loose your eye?"
The more...
A pirate was talking to a "land-lubber" in a bar. The land-lubber noticed that, like any self-respecting pirate, this guy had a peg leg, a hook in place of one of his hands, and a patch over one eye. The land-lubber just had to find out how the pirate got in such bad shape. He asked the pirate, "How did you loose your leg?" The pirate responded, "I lost me leg in a battle off the coast of Jamaica!" His new acquaintance was still curious so he asked, "What about you hand. Did you lose it at the same time?" "No," answered the pirate. "I lost it to the sharks off the Florida Keys." Finally, the land-lubber asked, "I notice you also have an eye patch. How did you lose your eye?" The pirate answered, "I was sleeping on a beach when a seagull flew over and crapped right in me eye." The land-lubber asked: "How could a little seagull crap make you loose your eye?" Th e pirate snapped, "It was the more...
Why is it called a soap opera when nobody sings?
Can a unborn baby fart or burp?
If a General is a higher ranking officer than a Major, then why is a major illness worse than a general illness?
Why don't they make Root Beer flavored ice cream? Wouldn't it be better than root beer floats?
What is the point in saying "may I ask" and then follow it up with a question?
Is it possible to be allergic to water?
When an atheist swears on a Bible before they testify in court, do they have to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth since they don't believe in God?
If a pack of gum says that each piece is 10 calories, is that amount just chewing the gum, or also for swallowing it?
Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
How come only your fingers and toes get wrinkly in the shower and nothing else does?
Isn't it weird that all year round your parents tell you not to play with fire, but on Independence Day they hand more...
The pirate Red Beard was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who was looking for juicy stories of excitement and derring-do. He told Red, "I'm sure my readers would love to hear the tale behind your pegleg."
"Well, I was thrown from the ship during gale force winds, and before me mate could throw me a line, a shark bit me leg clean off!"
The interviewer was sort of disappointed. "What about the hook at the end of your right arm?"
"I lost it in a sword fight with the Captain of the Guard!"
Again the reporter was disappointed. "Certainly there's an exciting story about the patch on your eye?"
"One day, I was out on deck, and a bird flew over and pooped in me eye!"
The reporter was amazed. "That's why you wear a patch?"
"Well, I'd only had me hook a couple of days!"
The Pirate
A fellow stops by his favorite bar one afternoon for a few drinks… after a couple of drinks he sees a pirate sitting at the other end of the bar, peg leg, patch over one eye, hook. He moves next to the pirate and asks, "Are you a real pirate"?
"Aye, that I am matey", replies the pirate.
"How did you lose your leg", the fellow asked. The pirate replied, "I was about to board a Man-O-War I was, when she fired a broadside and a cannon ball took me leg off it did".
"Oh my, that's horrible, how did you lose your hand", said the fellow, looking at the hook replacing the right hand. The pirate held the hook up and said,"I was swinging over to a ship with me cutlass in me teeth, when a fellow cut off me hand with his sword, he did.
"Oh my", said the fellow. "How did you lose your eye", he asked. "I was ashore one day and as I looked up a seagull shit right in me eye, he did", more...