Horn Jokes / Recent Jokes

In an odd bit of news, a woman in China has a 5-inch horn growing out of her forehead. When hearing this story Bill Clinton said he was suprised cause he thought Hillary was the only one who could grow horns out of her head.

STRANGE U.S. SEX LAWS
-- In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
-- In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish. (Apparently it's OK for woman.)
-- No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.
-- Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or holding you in his arms.
-- Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown -- if they're nude.
-- In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And more...

Judi went to a "Dude Ranch" on vacation. The cowboypreparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western orEnglish saddle.Judi asked what the difference was."Well, one has a horn and the other doesn't.""Just get the one without the horn. I don't thinkwe'll run into too much traffic out here."

Q: What is the difference between hearing an English horn solo and being tortured?
A: One is far more painful to your ears.

Q: What is the difference between hearing an English horn solo and being tortured? A: One is far more painful to your ears.Q: What's the name of a good English horn player? A: I'll tell you when I meet one.Q: How many English horn players does it take to change a light bulb? A: One, but he gyrates so much, he'll fall off the ladder.Q: Why is wetting your pants like playing an English Horn? A: Both give you a warm feeling but no one notices.

How can you make a french horn sound like a trombone?
1. Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste.
2. Take your hand out of the bell and miss all of the notes!

A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?"
"Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all."
The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!"
The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was just so-so; but I loved the way he held me!"