Horrible Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."

Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language... things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4 letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please mama!"

"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed they're just too awful! Come get me, please!"

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset.... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, more...

Mary went to Jill's place to tell her about a horrible experience she'dhad the previous night with this bloke she brought home." Well, what happened when you got there?" Jill asked "The bastard called me a slut!" Mary said." And what did you do then?" Jill asked, shocked." I told him to get the fuck out of my bedroom and take his eightmates with him!" Mary said.

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother."Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother."Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..." Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He's been saying things I've never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mama!""Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?""Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mama!""Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"Still sobbing, the bride replied, more...

Josh lived in a small town and was well know for being the eternal optimist. No matter how horrible a situation was, Josh could always think of a way it could be worse. Eventually, everyone in town tired of hearing him say that, so they decided to tell him a lie.
"Josh, did you hear that Rick found his wife in bed with another man last night? He shot the man and then himself. Isn't that horrible?"
"Yes, that is horrible," Josh replied. "It could have been worse though."
"How could THAT possibly be worse?"
"Had it been the night before," Josh said, "I'd be dead!"

Bob and his three golf buddies were out playing and were just starting on the back nine when Bob paused, looked down the fairway and began to sob uncontrollably.
The other three gathered around him and asked: Whats wrong? Bob looked down at his feet, sniffed and dried his eyes some, then apologized for his emotional outburst. Im sorry, I always get emotional at this hole - it holds very difficult memories for me.
One of his buddies asked: What happened? What could have gotten you so upset?
Bob stared silently off in the distance, then said in a low voice, This is where my wife and I were playing 12 years ago when she suddenly died of a heart attack; right at this very hole!
Oh my God, the other golfers said; That must have been horrible!
Horrible? You think it's horrible? Bob cried in disbelief; It was worse than that!!!
Every hole for the rest of the day, all the way back to the clubhouse it was hit the ball, drag Alice, hit the ball, drag Alice...

The Top 17 Other Effects of the Galaxy 4 Satellite Malfunction

17 With nowhere else to go, radio signals converge on Don King's hair.

16 Tamagotchis the world over die a slow, horrible death.

15 Worldwide headaches when everyone's metal dental fillings receive the signals from Gilbert Gottfried's cell phone.

14 Phoneless George Steinbrenner left unable to fire Joe Torre when the Yankees trailed in the third.

13 Ross Perot and Newt Gingrich stricken with terror while temporarily out of touch with the mothership.

12 Fortune Cookie Effect: words' in bed' added to end of all text messages.

11 Their cellular phones useless, denizens of Los Angeles experience the quaint charm of eating their lunch with both hands.

10 Dennis Rodman tentatively removes tinfoil cap and crawls out from under the woodpile.

9 Cher's face snaps and rolls up like a cheap paper window shade.

8 After several more...

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.
When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.
"Oh mamma!" she exclaimed. "The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic!"
No sooner had she spoken the words than she burst out crying. "But mamma... as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He's been saying things I've never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mamma!"
"Now Sarah..." her mother answered. "Calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mamma." wept the daughter.
"I'm so embarrassed! They're just too awful! You've got to come get me and take me home... please mamma!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset...
Tell your more...