Horses Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as the father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses' legs, rump and chest.
After a few minutes, Little Johnny asked, "Pop, why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because I'm thinking of buying these horses."
Little Johnny looked worried and said, "Then I think we'd better hurry home right away!" "Why?" his father asked. "Because the UPS man stopped by yesterday, and I think he wants to buy Mom!"

A Texas cowboy got a visit from his cousin who lives in the east. He thought he would show his city-slicker cousin a local Indian tribe so he could see how they were "one with the land". The cowboy and his cousin come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. The cowboy stops and says to his cousin, "You see that Indian?" "Yeah," says the city-slicker." Look," says the cowboy, "he's listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction!"Just then the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon." "Incredible!" says the cousin to the cowboy." This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. AMAZING!!!"The Indian looks up and says..."Ran over me about a half hour ago."

There were three people robbing a bank, a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde.
When they heard the cops coming, they went to hide in a barn.
The redhead hid in with the chickens, the brunette hid in with the horses, and the blonde hid in the potato sack.
When the cops came in the barn they passed by the chickens and all they heard was clucking so they did not catch the redhead.They passed by the horses and all they heard was clomping so they did not catch the brunette. They went pass the potato sack and they heard POTATO, POTATO, POTATO, and they caught the blonde.

South Carolina: Remember The Civil War? We Didn`t Actually Surrender
A short story...
Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.
How do you know when you`re staying in a South Carolina hotel?
"When you call the front desk and say "I`ve gotta leak in my sink."
and the person at the front desk says "go ahead".
South Carolina: Just south of North Carolina
Dumb South Carolina Laws
It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide.
Every adult male must bring a rifle to church on Sunday in order to ward off Indian attacks.
It is perfectly legal to beat your wife on the court house steps on Sundays.
When approaching a four way or blind intersection in a non-horse driven vehicle you must stop more...

Horses may not be kept in bathtubs. By law, if a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, the marriage must take place.It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide. Every adult male must bring a rifle to church on Sunday in order to ward off Indian attacks. When approaching a four way or blind intersection in a non-horse driven vehicle you must stop 100 ft from the intersection and discharge a firearm into the air to warn horse traffic. It is considered an offense to get a tattoo. Performing a U-turn within 1,000 feet of an intersection is illegal. Musical instruments may not be sold on Sunday. No work may be done on Sunday. An exception is that light bulbs may be sold. All schools must prepare a suitable program for Francis Willard Day. Dance halls may not operate on Sundays. Merchandise may not be sold within a half mile of a church unless fruit is being sold. A railroad my not remove itself from a town of more than five hundred people. Railroad more...

Banta and Santa buy one race horse each after learning about big money in racing. Says Banta, "How do we identify which horse is mine and which one is yours?" Santa Singh replies, "I will cut the tail of my horse and so the horse without a tail will be mine and the one with a tail will be yours." So they cut the tail of the horse. But in the night their naughty kids cut the tail of the other horse too. And the next day
Banta Singh is worried and says, "I will cut one of the ears of my horse so the horse with one ear will be mine and the other one will be yours." The next night the kids cut the other horses ears too. And so it goes on until the horses lost their ears, eyes, had broken noses etc. And in the end both horses were left only with bare legs and were just barely living. Both Santa and Banta were frustrated.
At last Banta says, "BAHUT HO GAYA. SAFED WALA GHORA MERA, KALA WALA TERA"

In Oblong, Illinois, it's punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day. No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth. Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn't allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you -- or holding you in his arms. Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown -- if they're nude.(Apparently, if you wear socks, you're safe from the law!)In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. And the beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it's illegal to make love on the floor between the beds! The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide more...