Horses Jokes / Recent Jokes

Cattle rustling is punishable by hanging. Horses are not to be housed within 50 feet of any road. Vagrancy is punishable by either 30 days in prison or a $201 fine. Columbus: The fine for waving a gun in public is higher than actually shooting it. Oxford: It is illegal to drive around the town square more than 100 times in a single session. Oxford: One may not spit on the sidewalks on the square. Oxford: Motor vehicles on the square are prohibited. Oxford: Horn honking is not permitted as it might scare horses. Tylertown: It is unlawful to shave in the center of main street.

The Major went out to find that none of his soldiers were there. One finally ran up, sweating heavily.
"Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran five miles, and now I'm here."
The Major was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the soldier go. Moments later, more soldiers came up to the Major panting, he asked them why they were late.
"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here."
The Major eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too.
Another soldier jogged up to the Major, panting heavily.
"Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the more...

A physicist, a statistician, and a (pure) mathematician go to the races and place bets on horses.
The physicist's horse comes in last. "I don't understand it. I have determined each horse's strength through a series of careful measurements."
The statistician's horse does a little bit better, but still fails miserably. "How is this possible? I have statistically evaluated the results of all races for the past month."
They both look at the mathematician whose horse came in first. "How did you do it?"
"Well", he explains. "First, I assumed that all horses were identical and spherical..."

A Texas cowboy received a visit from his cousin who lives in the northeast. He thought he would show his city-slicker cousin a local Indian tribe so he could see how they were 'one with the land'.
The cowboy and his cousin come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear pressed to the ground. The cowboy stops and says, "You see that Indian?"
Yeah," says the city-slicker.
"Look, he's listening to the ground," the cowboy says. "He's able to hear things for miles in any direction!"
Just then, the Indian looks up. "Covered wagon," he says, "about two miles away. Have two horses, one white, one brown. Man, woman, child, household goods in wagon."
"That's incredible!" the cousin says to the cowboy. "This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who's in the wagon, and what's in the wagon. AMAZING!!"
The Indian then looks up and says...
"Ran over more...

It is contrary to Pennsylvania law to discharge a gun, cannon, revolver or other explosive weapon at a wedding.
It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel. However up to 120 men can live together, without breaking the law.
It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.
Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue.
A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling.
You may not sing in the bathtub.
Fireworks stores may not sell fireworks to Pennsylvania residents.
& A person is not eligible to become Governor if he/she has participated in a duel.
& Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let more...

A mathematician, a physicist, an engineer went again to the races and laid their money down. Commiserating in the bar after the race, the engineer says, "I don't understand why I lost all my money. I measured all the horses and calculated their strength and mechanical advantage and figured out how fast they could run..." The physicist interrupted him: "...but you didn't take individual variations into account. I did a statistical analysis of their previous performances and bet on the horses with the highest probability of winning..." "...so if you're so hot why are you broke?" asked the engineer. But before the argument can grow, the mathematician takes out his pipe and they get a glimpse of his well-fattened wallet. Obviously here was a man who knows something about horses. They both demanded to know his secret. "Well," he says, "first I assumed all the horses were identical and spherical..."

Fountain Inn: Horses are to wear pants at all times.(South Carolina Dumb Laws)