Host Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party.Then he had a bright idea.When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on... just a pair of pants."What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host."A premature ejaculation." said the man - "I just came in my pants!"

The guest was a bit surprised when his host served him a dinner of nothing but a dish of bean curd The host praised the virtues of bean curd, saying, "Bean curd is my life; it's the most delicious food in the world." One day, he had the chance to visit his friend, who remembered that the man loved bean curd and so he served fish and meat with bean curd However, the man devoured only the fish and meat, and didn't touch the bean curd His friend asked, "You say bean curd is your life, but why don't you eat it today?" The man answered, "I guess when I see fish and meat on my plate, I don't want my life anymore."

"Say," said the smooth operator in a confidential tone to the host of the party, "there's a lot of hot babes at this party. If I find one that's ready to grab a quick one, would you mind if I used your extra bedroom?"
"What about your wife?"
"Oh, I won't be gone that long. She'll never miss me."
"No, I'm sure she won't miss you," smirked the host, "but fifteen minutes ago. She borrowed the extra bedroom."

There was a blonde who was at an all blonde football game.
At halftime she was called down to answer questions to see
if she could win $1000. The first question was what is 10 plus 11?
She hesitates and says, hm.. 5! The host says no im sorry thats incorrect.
All of the blondes in the stadium chanted "Give her another chance, give
her another chance!" So the host agrees and said, "ok how about 5 plus 5."
She answers and says 20. Again all the blondes chanted give her another chance,
give her another chance. So the host agrees again and says, ok last chance,
what is 2 plus 2. The blonde says 4! and the audience says Give her another chance
give her another chance!

A filthy rich North Carolina man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood.
He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.
Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.
At the height of the party, the host said, "I have a 10ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the nerve to jump in."
The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!
Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, head butts and choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.
The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and more...

Facts about Americans. Did you know that...Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.67.5% of men were tightie whities (briefs).3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up tohigher denominations.13% of us admit to occassionally doing our offspring's homework.91% of us lie regularly.27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the highprices of snack foods.90% believe in divine retribution.10% believe in the 10 Commandments.82% believe in an afterlife.45% believe in ghosts.13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.58.4% have called into work sick when we weren't.10% of us switch tags in the store to pay less for an item.Over 50% believe in spanking - more...

Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.
21% of us don't make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women trust their husbands to do it correctly.
40% of women have hurled footwear at a man.
67.5% of men wear tightie whities (briefs).
3 out of 4 of us store our dollar bills in rigid order with singles leading up to higher denominations.
13% of us admit to occasionally doing our offspring's homework.
91% of us lie regularly.
27% admit to cheating on a test or quiz.
29% admit they've intentionally stolen something from a store.
50% admit they regularly sneak food into movie theaters to avoid the high prices of snack foods.
90% believe in divine retribution.
10% believe in the 10 Commandments.
82% believe in an afterlife.
45% believe in ghosts.
13% (mostly men) have spent a night in jail.
29% of us are virgins when we marry.
58.4% have called into work sick when we weren't.
10% more...