Hostages Jokes

Things Not To Do At A Hostage Negotiation

As Hostage Taker:

Demand to speak only with FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully.

Have one of the hostages hold your gun while you make a quick trip to the bathroom.

Let one hostage go to the bathroom. When he doesn't return, send the others to see what's taking him so long.

Agree to let the hostages go, after doing so, make you demands.

Rig the building to explode if someone tries to go through the door, then remember that you forgot to lock your car and leave the room.

Confuse the detonator for your explosive booby-traps with your garage door opener.

Tell the negotiator that you'd rather choke on tear gas than let the hostages go.

Allow one of the hostages to win possession of your gun because of a paper-rock scissors tournament.

Forget your gun at home.

Run away bawling like a baby when one of your hostages calls you a more...

Erap and some soldiers were caught in war and held as hostages. They were all going to die, but were given two options--either be injected with the H. I. V. virus, or be shot to death. Every soldier chose to be shot, but Erap chose the H. I. V. virus. "Psst, why don't you want to be shot like the rest of us?" *Whispers* "They don't know I'm wearing a condom!"

A group of Arab Terrorists burst into the conference room at the Ramada Hotel where the American Bar Association was holding its Annual Convention.
More than a hundred lawyers were taken as hostages. The terrorist leader announced that, unless their demands were met, they would release one lawyer every hour.

As Hostage Taker:
1. Demand to speak only with FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully.
2. Have one of the hostages hold your gun while you make a quick trip to the bathroom.
3. Let one hostage go to the bathroom. When he doesn't return, send the others to see what's taking him so long.
4. Agree to let the hostages go, after doing so, make you demands.
5. Rig the building to explode if someone tries to go through the door, then remember that you forgot to lock your car and leave the room.
6. Confuse the detonator for your explosive booby-traps with your garage door opener.
7. Tell the negotiator that you'd rather choke on tear gas than let the hostages go.
8. Allow one of the hostages to win possession of your gun because of a paper-rock scissors tournament.
9. Forget your gun at home.
10. Run away bawling like a baby when one of your hostages calls you a "meanie".
11.Ask the negotiator to tell your fiancee that this is more...

A group of Arab Terrorists burst into the conference room at the Ramada Hotel where the American Bar Association was holding its Annual Convention.
More than a hundred lawyers were taken as hostages. The terrorist leader announced that, unless their demands were met, they would release one lawyer every hour.