Hot Jokes / Recent Jokes
Feeling edgy, a man took a hot bath.
Just as he became comfortable, the doorbell rang.
The man got out of the tub, put on his slippers and robe and went to the door.
A salesman at the door wanted to know if he needed any brushes.
Slamming the door, the man returned to the bath.
The doorbell rang again. On went the slippers and robe, and the man started for the door again. He took one step, slipped on a wet spot, fell backward, and hit his back against the hard porcelain bathtub.
Cursing under his breath, the man struggled into his street clothes and with every move a stab of pain, drove to the doctor.
After examining him, the doctor said, "You know, you've been lucky.
Nothing is broken. But you need to relax...
Why don't you go home and take a long hot bath?"
President Clinton dies and decends into hell. As a professional courtesy to a fellow, worldclass liar Satan greets the President personally.
'Mr. President' he says' we don't normally do this. But I'm going to give you three choices of your eternal punishment'.
'Great' says Bill.' But once you've picked there is no going back. It will be your fate for the remainder of time. This time I'm not lying'.
First they come to a dark, burning pit. Adolf Hitler is naked and being speared by an an army of demons. He's bleeding and screaming madly. Bill cringes and says he could never handle the pain.
Next they come to a hot, burning cave. Saddam Hussein is naked with his limbs stretched and broken. Devils are burning his flesh with hot coals. Once again Bill retreats and refuses the option.
Finally they come to a pleasant, cool room. Ken Starr is naked on a table and Monica Lewinksy is giving him what she loves to give best. Bill smiles and says' now that's more like more...
Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I dont know," responded the other. "Ill ask him."So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and youre standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, intelligence?"The boss said, "Well, Ill show you. Ill put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "Thats intelligence!"The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "Whats intelligence?" said the friend. T he ditch digger more...
The Scene: Three people walking across the desert; an American, a Mexican, and a Winkie. (Substitute your favorite nationality/sub-culture known for its stupidity in place of Winkie.)
After they had been walking for a while, the Mexican and the Winkie notice that the American is carrying a glass of water. They asky why, and the American replies: "Well, when it gets real hot, I can drink this glass of water to cool off."
Then he drinks it.
The American and the Winkie notice that the Mexican is carrying a Sombrero. The Winkie asks him why he's carrying the hat, and the Mexican replies: "Well, when it gets real hot like now, I can put my hat on to be in the shade."
Then he puts it on.
The American and the Mexican notice that the Winkie has been lugging a car door through the desert. Neither of them can understand this, so they ask him why. The Winkie smiles and replies: "Well, its just like you two are doing. When I get hot, I can just more...
It was a hot day in Minnesota. Helga hung the wash, put a roast in the oven, then went downtown to pick up some dry-cleaning.' 'Gutness, it's hot,'' she mused as she walked down Main Street.
She passed by a tavern and thought,' 'vy nodt?''
Helga sat at thebar and the bartender asked her what she would have. Helga said,' 'Ya know, it's zo hot, I tink I'll haff myself a cold beer.''
The bartender asked,' 'Annhauser Busch?''
Helga, surprised, replied,' 'Vell fine, tanks. Undt how's your pecker?
It was so hot today I saw a robin picking earthworms out of the ground with a pair of tongs.
When we were dating, my husband used to always tell me those three magic words, "I love you". Now that we are married, those three magic words have become, "What's for dinner?" When we were dating, my husband would gently rub me with hot oil while he affectionately called me lovely nicknames. Now that we are married, he gently rubs his car with hot wax, which now has its own pet nickname. When we were dating, my husband would always love to watch me undress. Now that we are married, he loves to watch championship wrestling. When we were dating, my husband read poetry to me as he caressed me in his arms late into the night. Now that we are married, he quotes me sports statistics and stock prices during breakfast. When we were dating, my husband would passionately motivate and urge me on in whatever I did, whether it was at my job or during sex. Now that we are married, the only thing he passionately urges on is his favorite football team. When we were dating, my more...