Houston Jokes / Recent Jokes
The James Bond Award to a Japanese businessman who recently left Houston to take a new job in his native country. To friends and acquaintances, he supplied his new direct phone number, but warned, "The phone will only be activated when the caller says, 'You have a paint job' (9 to 5) or 'You have a golf game' (24 hours). I await your call."
The Plain English Award to Faroudja Inc. The Silicon Valley company announced two new processors in a news release that told us: "A new YPrPb output allows the DVP3000 and DVP3000U to connect to the growing number of entry-level HDTV-ready sets in which an RGB output may not be compatible. New direct access infrared control software optimizes the models for use in theater or A/V installations employing IR-based control systems. RS232 serial computer control is also included."
Our Stupid Lawyer Trick Award to the attorneys for the Galleria. In a letter castigating me for my use of the term "the Galleria area" more...
At stake are child visitation rights & custody of several crack pipes.
Extracted from US news papers:
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In Detroit, the lawyer for accused murderer Rondelle Woods, 23, delivered part of his closing
argument to the jury in rap:' Went to a party, sweet 16, decided to stay on the scene.' Woods was
acquitted. But in Las Vegas in December, Eric Clark, 22, pleaded with the judge, in rap for a light
sentence:' I'm sellin' dope, and I as gettin' paid too blind to see how I was gettin' played.' He
got 23 years. - Universal Press Syndicate
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A Tokyo company, Juonsha, recently began offering a mail-order curse kit, featuring a straw doll to
represent the hexee, along with eight accessories, including nails, a curse manual, and a
curse-blocking doll to ward off return curses. The company at first marketed to boys and girls
bullied at school, but discovered the major market is women who hope to put spells on neighbors,
in-laws and more...
In 2005, Houston saw a 23% increase in its murder rate. "Actually," said Houston's police chief, "I prefer to think of it as a decrease in the attempted murder rate. By 23 percent."
Whitney Houston said "I feel great" when asked about her split from Bobby Brown. You know what else makes her feel great? Cocaine. Bobby chose not to comment, which is, of course, his prerogative.
She has asked both teams of lawyers to get together with the couple, "do a couple of lines of coke, toss back a few Red Bulls, and get cracking."
NFL Team Lame Names When a football team is having trouble getting into the win column, fans usually assign a more appropriate name to describe that team's performance. Here is a collection of some of these lame names for the NFL. AFC West:Denver Broncos - Denver Donkeys Kansas City Chiefs - Kansas City Griefs Los Angeles Raiders - Los Angeles Faders San Diego Chargers - San Diego Rechargers Seattle Seahawks - Seattle Weehawks AFC Central: Cincinnati Bengals - Cincinnati Plaingels Cleveland Browns - Cleveland Clowns Houston Oilers - Houston Spoilers Pittsburgh Steelers - Pittsburgh Reelers AFC East: Buffalo Bills - Buffalo NilsBuffalo Spills Indianapolis Colts - Indianapolis Dolts Miami Dolphins - Miami StallfinsMiami Soft Ones New England Patriots - New England Patsys New York Jets - New York PetsNew York Not Yets NFC West:Atlanta Falcons - Atlanta Fellcons New Orleans Saints - New Orleans Aint's Los Angeles Rams - Los Angeles Lambs San Francisco 49ers - San Francisco Whiners NFC more...