Huge Jokes / Recent Jokes

The huge Air Canada Jumbo jet is just coming into Pearson Airport (Toronto) on its final approach. The pilot comes on over the intercom. "This is Capt. Johnson, we're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and enjoy your stay in Toronto". Well the Capt. forgets to switch off the intercom. The whole plane can now hear the conversation from the cockpit. The co-pilot says to the pilot "Well skipper, wotcha gonna do in Toronto?" Now all ears in the plan are listening in to this conversation." Well", says the skipper, "First I'm gonna check into the hotel and go for a mega-huge dump. Then I'm gonna take that new stewardess out for supper, you know, the one with the huge tits. I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and slip the old salami to her all night". Well, everyone in the planes trying to get a look at the new stewardess. She's so embarrassed she runs from the back of the plane to try and more...

A woman with huge breasts
was out for a walk when she was jumped by a man holding a gun. When he
motioned for her to take off her blouse, she warned him he'd regret it, but he
insisted. Next he made her take her bra off, and when a giant set of tits
popped into view he began to get incredibly excited. "Take your skirt off," he
demanded, ignoring her warnings that he leave off. So, off came the
skirt, and then the panties, revealing an equally huge pussy, green and slimy
and swarming with bugs. Shocked and repelled, he stepped back and dropped the
gun to the ground. Grabbing the gun, the woman pointed it at him, smiled
broadly, and commanded, "Eat Me."

Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said: "You've got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have rough sex." Frank decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly says: "That was a huge mistake, Frank. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have REALLY rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He more...

A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger. The
huge guy behind the counter bellows "One burger." The cook, who's even
bigger screams "burger!", whereupon he grabs a huge chunk of chop meat,
stuffs it under his bare armpit, and pumps it few times to squeeze it flat, then
tosses it on the grill. The old lady says "That's the most disgusting thing I
have ever seen!!" The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in the
morning when he makes the doughnuts!!"

A guy sits in a bar when the barkeeper starts talking about his dog, "My dog is
the most vicious killing machine in the area. If I had not tied it by a huge
chain, it would kill other dogs or children all the time."
And really the guy can see a doberman snarling in the corner tied by a huge
chain. The guy looks up and says, "I bet you a beer that my dog that is tied up
outside the pub has no problem killing your dog."
"Oh really?" answers the bar keeper, "what breed of dog do you have?"
"A long nosed, short legged, long tailed terrier," answers the guy.
"Alright," replies the bar keeper and releases his doberman. The doberman runs
outside. Soon afterwards the tattered remains of the dog limps back, bleeding,
all over covered with wounds, and dies at the barkeeper's feet. The bar keeper
cannot understand what was going on.
"That must be a hell hound you have outside. What more...

Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: This can not be computed. Changing light bulbs is a *hardware* problem...

Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the light bulb and one to make sure the stack of manuals doesn't tip over.

Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One, once the documentation for the procedure is found in one of the 15 manuals on the shelf.

Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Well, it depends upon the platform on which one stands!

Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Actually none, if you are willing to close your eyes to the (validity of the) output.

Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It can't be done yet. "Light bulb" is more than 8 characters long.

Note: SAS is a more...

Lunch Anyone?
A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a hamburger.
The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "
One burger!"
Whereupon the chef
grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his
arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill.
"
That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen,"
the old lady says.
"
Yeah?"
says the counterman. "
You should be here in the morning when he
makes the doughnuts."