Hugo Jokes

Venezuelian President Hugo Chavez took his verbal battle with the United States to the floor of the U.N. General Assembly on Wednesday, calling President Bush, "the devil."
When asked how he felt about the statement, the Devil responded, "I may be the cause of everything evil, but even I would have reacted faster to Katrina."

Two Aussies, Hugo and Jake, were adrift in a lifeboat. While rummaging through the boat`s provisions, Hugo stumbled across an old lamp. He rubbed the lamp vigorously and a genie came forth. This genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter, Hugo blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into BEER!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew EVER sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the two men considered their circumstances. Jake looked disgustedly at Hugo whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension-filled moment Jake said, "Nice going Hugo! Now we`re going to have to piss in the boat."

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Hugo!
Hugo who!
Hugo your way and I'll go mine!

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Hugo!
Hugo who!
Hugo jump in the lake! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Hugo!
Hugo who!
Hugo first - I'm frightened! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Hugo!
Hugo who!
Hugo your way and I'll go mine!

Pundits and politicos on Sunday's talk shows were crying foul over President Hugo Chavez's speech at the U.N. Liberals said, "He can't call the President a devil, only we can do that."
Republicans called the speech more of a roast than anything diplomatic. If it were a roast, Chavez would have picked on others in the goverment.
"Enough about the devil... er, I mean Bush. You must forgive me my English is no good. How do you say, douchebag. I kidding."
"Dick Cheney is here. The only reason why Dick Cheney is against gay marriage, is because he's too cheap to pay for his daughter's wedding. But seriously, Cheney would love for his daughter to have a wedding, just as long as Haliburton can cater it. I kidding."
"John Bolton, U.N. Ambassador is here. John what is that on your upper lip, it looks like two caterpillars humping. Seriously, it looks like you're going down on the Shaggy D.A. I kidding."