Humble Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Rabbi, a Hindu, and a telemarketer are in a car. They run out of gas and are forced to stop at a farmer's house. The farmer says that there are only two extra beds, so one person will have to sleep in the barn.
The Hindu says, "I'm humble, I will sleep in the barn." So, he goes out to the barn. In a few minutes, the farmer hears a knock on the door. It's the Hindu and he says, "There is a cow in the barn. It's against my beliefs to sleep with a cow."
So, the Rabbi says, "I'm humble, I'll sleep in the barn." A few minutes later, the farmer hears another knock on the door and it's the Rabbi. He says that it is against his beliefs to sleep where there is a pig and there is a pig in the barn.
So, the telemarketer is forced to sleep in the barn. A few minutes later, there is a knock on the door.
It's the pig and the cow...
Dear Mr. Blix,
Welcome to Iraq! It is so good of you and your Weapons Inspectors to visit my humble nation once again. My people are overjoyed to assist the totally neutral and gloriously impotent UN in serving their American Masters. I realize that many of you would much rather be touring the Third World for some magnificently ineffective do-nothing NGO, but alas you are here compromising your values on behalf of Western oil companies.
Before you wipe the blood from your hands and get down to the business of concocting reasons for the US to bomb us back to the stone ages of 1991, I thought I'd help reorient you to the ways of magical Baghdad with a few "Dos" and "Don'ts".
DO:
Slavishly patronize Baghdad locals with chocolate bars and worthless Western baubles. Nothing ingratiates us more to intrusive throngs of chubby, sweaty, lobster-red warmongers then when they pass out meaningless tchotkes to us Third World "savages". We will remember more...
A poor homeless man had 3 bananas; he had stolen one from a first grader, one from a fruit vendor, and the other was given to him by a humble old lady.
Along with the banana, the humble old lady gave him bus fare, partly because she wanted him to leave, and partly because she felt sorry for him.
The man jumped at the thought - he was going on a bus ride, something he hadn't done in a long time. He put one banana on either side of his torn and tatty pants, and the other banana in the back of his pants.
He waited at the bus station, and waited, and waited, until finally a bus came, and he climbed on.
It was one of those crowded buses, one with not much room to even sneeze.
The bus driver collected the money, and the homeless man found a cramped place to stand.
Everything was going smoothly until the bus made a sharp turn to the left, the banana on the left side got squished. The bus made another sharp turn, one to the right, and you can guess what happened to the more...
Once upon a time a humble crab fell in love with Princess Lobster and she with him. They enjoyed an idyllic relationship, but one day Princess Lobster came to Crab in floods of tears saying that King Lobster would not let her see Crab any more.
'But why?' gasped the humble crab.
'Daddy says that crabs are too common,' sobbed the princess. 'You're a lower class of crustacean, and anyway, you walk sideways.'
Crab was shattered and scuttled away to drink himself into forgetfulness.
That night was the occasion of the great Lobster Ball and lobsters came from far and near for feasting and merrymaking. Princess Lobster, however, sat by her father's side inconsolable.
Suddenly, the doors flew open. It was the humble crab. Slowly, painstakingly, he made his way to the throne - walking dead straight, one claw after another. A silence gathered around the room. All the lobsters' eyes fell on the intruder.
Step by painful straight step he approached until he looked King more...