Humor Jokes / Recent Jokes
A few choice 1-Liners.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
I intend to live forever - so far, so good
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 more...
In most of the United States, there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop to single digits or below. About 3am one very cold morning, Trooper Allan Nixon #658 responded to a call there was a car off the shoulder of the road outside Shattuck. He located the car, stuck in deep snow, and with the engine still running. Pulling in behind the car with his emergency lights on, the Trooper walked to the driver's door to find an older man passed out behind the wheel with a nearly empty vodka bottle on the seat beside him.
The driver came awake when the Trooper tapped on the window. Seeing the rotating lights in his rearview mirror, and the State Trooper standing next to his car, the man panicked. He jerked the gearshift into 'drive' and hit the gas. The car's speedometer was showing 20, 30, 40 and then 50 mph, but it was still stuck in the snow, wheels spinning.
Trooper Nixon, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the more...
Q: How many circus performers does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Four: One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go! A: Four. One to change the bulb and three to sing, Ta da!
Harry was telling his friend about his holiday in Switzerland. His friend had never been to Switzerland and asked,' what did you think of the scenery? '' Oh, I couldn't see much,' Harry admitted.' There were all these mountains in the way.'
Harry was telling his friend about his holiday in Switzerland. His friend had never been to Switzerland and asked, what did you think of the scenery? Oh, I couldnt see much, Harry admitted. There were all these mountains in the way.
Where did the fortune-teller go on her vacation? To Palm Beach.
Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park. Judge: What were you doing? 1st man: Oh, just throwing peanuts in the pond. Judge: And what were you doing? 2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too."Judge: Sounds harmless. And you, were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well? 3rd man: No, sir. I AM Peanuts!