Humor Jokes / Recent Jokes
Disorder in the Court: a Collection of 'Transquips'
Collected by Richard Lederer, reprinted in N.H. Business Review
Most language is spoken language, and most words, once they are
uttered, vanish forever into the air. But such is not the case with
language spoken during courtroom trials, for there exists an army of
courtroom reporters whose job it is to take down and preserve every
statement made during the proceedings.
Mary Louise Gilman, the venerable editor of the National Shorthand
Reporter has collected many of the more hilarious courtroom bloopers
in two books - Humor in the Court (1977) and More Humor in the Court,
published a few months ago. From Mrs. Gilman's two volumes, here
are some of my favorite transquips, all recorded by America's keepers
of the word:
Q. What is your brother-in-law's name?
A. Borofkin.
Q. What's his first name?
A. I can't remember.
Q. He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you more...
A man walks into a palm reader store and asks the reader, "Could you read my palm?" He shows his hand to her, and she says, "But... I cant read your hand.""Why?" the man asks."I dont understand your handwriting," the woman replies.
This wonderful example of international humor was posted on the listserv list INDIA-D:
By the way, for we people (from India) who were born and brought up in the wrong side of the world, doing things in the wrong way has become a way of life.
For example,
In India we drive on the wrong side of the road. Even the cars we produce or drive have steering wheels on the wrong side.
We pronounce 'Z' as "Jed" instead of "Zee".
We meekly accepted MKS (Meter, Kilogram, Second) system like the rest of the world while America proudly stuck to the FPS system.
We use Lakhs & Crores while they use millions & billions.
We dumbly use Celsius while they use Fahrenheit (Cool!).
We play football only using foot. (How restricting! We lack imagination...)
In restaurants we ask for a bill and pay it with a cheque unlike here where they ask for check and pay it with a bill (Dollar bill).
I never realised '#' was the right symbol for pound instead of more...
Q: Why couldnt the animals on Noahs Ark play cards? A: Because Noah was standing on the deck!
A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said, "Darling, its my mothers birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She would like something electric." The husband replied, "How about a chair?!?"
Im not rich like Jack, dont have a mansion like Russell or have a Porsche like Martin but I do love you and want to marry you. I love you too, but what was that you said about Martin!
Whats the best way to increase the size of your bank balance? Look at it through a magnifying glass.