Humor Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three men stood before a judge on a charge of drunk and disorderly conduct in a public park. Judge: What were you doing? 1st man: Oh, just throwing peanuts in the pond. Judge: And what were you doing? 2nd man: I was throwing peanuts in the pond, too." Judge: Sounds harmless. And you, were you throwing peanuts in the pond as well? 3rd man: No, sir. I AM Peanuts!
When Fred was applying for a credit card, the manager of the credit card company asked him if he had much money in the bank. "I have," said Fred. "How much?" asked the manager. "I dont know exactly," said Fred, "I havent shaken it lately."
One day a wife complained, "This wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch."The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock always was slow."
Theyre perfectly matched. Hes blinded by love and her looks are out of sight!
One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?", he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food.", The poor man replied. "Oh, come along with me then." "But sir, I have a wife with two children!" "Bring them along! And you, come with me too!", he said to the other man. "But sir, I have a wife with six children!" The second man answered. "Bring them as well!" They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says "sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The rich man replied "No, you don't understand, the grass at my home is about three feet tall!"
An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum. "Ive just discovered a 3, 000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed. To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. Well check it out." A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummys age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?""Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, 10, 000 Shekels on Goliath."