Hundred Jokes / Recent Jokes

"The nerve endings," said St. Peter. "How many will I put in her hands?"

"How many did we put in Adam?", asked The Lord.

"Two hundred, O Mighty One", replied St. Peter.

"Then we shall do the same for this woman," said The Lord.

"How many nerve endings should we put in woman's genitals", inquired St. Peter.

"How many did we put in Adam?", asked The Lord.

"Four hundred and twenty, O Mighty One", replied St. Peter.

"Of course, we did want Adam to have a means of receiving extra pleasure in his life, didn't we? Do the same for woman", said The Lord.

"Yes, O Great Lord", said St. Peter.

"No, wait," said The Lord. "Give her ten thousand, I want her to scream out my name!..."

He was a junior bank executive and he had swindled one hundred thousand dollars from his bank - all of which he'd lost at the races. The bank examiners were coming the next day, and when he confessed the whole thing to his wife, she packed her bags and left him. Totally despondent, he walked to a nearby bridge and stood at the edge of it about to jump off and end it all. Suddenly a voice called, "Young man, don't do that! There is no need to end your life! I'm a witch and I can help you!" "I doubt it," he said sadly, "I've stolen a hundred thousand dollars from the bank, for which I'll probably be arrested tomorrow, and my wife has left me." "Young man, witches can do anything," she said. "I'm going to perform a witch miracle. "She said, "ALAKAZAM! The hundred thousand dollars has been replaced and there's another hundred thousand in your safe deposit box! ALAKAZAM! Your wife is back home again!"He looked at her in disbelief, more...

Bill Gates died and, much to everyone's surprise, went to Heaven. When
he got there, he had to wait in the reception area.
Heaven's reception area was the size of Massachusetts. There were
literally millions of people milling about, living in tents with nothing to
do all day. Food and water were being distributed from the backs of trucks,
while staffers with clipboards slowly worked their way through the crowd.
Booze and drugs were being passed around. Fights were commonplace.
Sanitation conditions were appalling. All in all, the scene looked like
Woodstock gone metastatic.
Bill lived in a tent for three weeks until, finally, one of the
staffers approached him. The staffer was a young man in his late teens,
face scarred with acne. He was wearing a blue T-shirt with the words TEAM
PETER emblazoned on it in large yellow lettering.
"Hello," said the staffer in a bored voice that could have been the
voice of more...

An old man was on the beach and walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini -"I want to feel your breasts" he exclaimed." Get away from me, you crazy old man" she replied." I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars," he says." Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me!""I want to feel your breasts, I will give you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS" he stated." NO! Get away from me!""TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS" he offered. She paused to think about it, but then comes to her senses and said, "I said NO!""FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS if you let me feel your breasts," he claimed. She thought, well he is old, and he seems harmless enough... and $500 IS a lot of money...." Well, OK... but only for a minute." She loosened her bikini top and while both are standing there on the beach, he slid his hands underneath and began to feel... then he started saying, "OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD... OH MY more...

He was a junior bank executive and he had swindled one hundred thousand dollars from his bank - all of which he'd lost at the races. The bank examiners were coming the next day, and when he confessed the whole thing to his wife, she packed her bags and left him. Totally despondent, he walked to a nearby bridge and stood at the edge of it about to jump off and end it all.
Suddenly a voice called, "Young man, don't do that! There is no need to end your life! I'm a witch and I can help you!" "I doubt it," he said sadly, "I've stolen a hundred thousand dollars from the bank, for which I'll probably be arrested tomorrow, and my wife has left me."
"Young man, witches can do anything," she said. "I'm going to perform a witch miracle. "She said, "ALAKAZAM! The hundred thousand dollars has been replaced and there's another hundred thousand in your safe deposit box! ALAKAZAM! Your wife is back home again!"
He looked at her more...

A guy runs out of a Las Vegas hotel and says to a stranger, "Can youloan me two hundred bucks? My wife had a terrible accident."The stranger says, "If you need two hundred dollars, what are youusing to gamble with?"The guy replies, "Oh, Ive got gambling money."

He was a junior bank executive and he had swindled one hundred thousand dollars from his bank - all of which he'd lost at the races. The bank examiners were coming the next day, and when he confessed the whole thing to his wife, she packed her bags and left him. Totally despondent, he walked to a nearby bridge and stood at the edge of it about to jump off and end it all.Suddenly a voice called, "Young man, don't do that! There is no need to end your life! I'm a witch and I can help you!" "I doubt it," he said sadly, "I've stolen a hundred thousand dollars from the bank, for which I'll probably be arrested tomorrow, and my wife has left me.""Young man, witches can do anything," she said. "I'm going to perform a witch miracle. "She said, "ALAKAZAM! The hundred thousand dollars has been replaced and there's another hundred thousand in your safe deposit box! ALAKAZAM! Your wife is back home again!"He looked at her in disbelief, more...