Hundred Jokes / Recent Jokes

A wealthy woman is giving a garden party, and several well-to-do guests attend. While the party ensues, two gardeners are out on the back lawn working. One of the guests was watching the gardeners do their thing, and while one gardener was busy weeding the other jumped up and did graceful swirling dance movements. Taken by his grace, the guest remarked to the host, "That man is such a talented dancer, that I'd pay him a hundred pounds to demonstrate his dancing before my aerobics class!" When the host asked the first gardener about such an arrangement, he yelled, "Hey Fred! Do you think for a hundred pounds you could step on that rake again?"

A man and his wife are having serious financial difficulties, so they decide that she'll become a hooker.
Not quite sure of what she's to do, her husband explains that she's to stand in front of the bar and pick up a guy. "Tell him it's a hundred dollars. If you have any questions, I'll be parked right around the corner," he says.
She stands there for a few minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?"
"A hundred dollars," she replies.
"All I have is thirty," the guy says.
She tells him to hold on, runs back to her husband and asks, "What can he get for thirty dollars?"
"A hand job," her husband replies.
She quickly runs back and tells the guy that a hand job is all he can get for thirty dollars. He agrees and she gets in his car.
He unzips his pants and out pops an enormous penis.
She stares at it for a minute, eyes popping out of her head, then says, "I'll be right more...

A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here." "You don't understand," says the man. "This is no regular dog, he can talk."
"Listen, pal," says the bartender. "If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks. "The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"
"Roof!" "Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?" "Bark!" "And who's the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" "I guess you've heard enough," says the man. "I'll take the hundred in twenties." The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you." As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said' DiMaggio'?"

Kenilworth: A rooster must step back three hundred feet from any residence if he wishes to crow; Hens that wish to cackle must step two hundred feet back from any residence.(Dumb Laws - Illinois)

Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. .. you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."

"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.

Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."

"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

GENERAL
Any person with a valid state hunting and fishing license may harvest attorneys. Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted The use of currency as bait is prohibited. Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from all-terrain vehicles, helicopters, or aircraft. It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash," "ambulance," or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within one hundred (100) yards of a BMW dealership.
It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, one hundred (100) dollar bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys. It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within two hundred (200) yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
If an attorney more...

Interesting Facts
*The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
* The Boston University Bridge (on Commonwealth Avenue, Boston, Massachusetts) is the only place in the world where a boat can sail under a train driving under a car driving under an airplane.
* Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.
* Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
* David Prowse, was the guy in the Darth Vader suit in Star Wars. He spoke all of Vader's lines, and didn't know that he was going to be dubbed over by James Earl Jones until he saw the screening of the movie.
* Many hamsters only blink one eye at a time.
* In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.
* Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33.
* February 1865 is the only month in more...