Hundred Jokes / Recent Jokes

It seems that a devout, good couple was about to get married, but a tragic car accident ended their lives. When they got to heaven, they asked St. Peter if he could arrange for them to get married, saying that it was what they had hoped for in life, and they still desired wedded union. He thought about it and agreed, but said they would have to wait. It was almost one hundred years later when St. Peter sent for them. They were married in a simple ceremony. So things went on, for thirty years or so, but they determined, in this time, that eternity was best not spent together. They went back to St. Peter, and said: "We thought we would be happy forever, but now we believe that we have irreconcilable differences. Is there any way we can get divorced?" "Are you kidding?" said St. Peter. "It took me a hundred years to get a priest up here to marry you. I will never get a lawyer!"

One day a twelve-year-old walks into a whorehouse dragging a dead frog on a string behind him. He slaps a hundred-dollar bill on the counter and says, "I want one of your women."
The madam looks at him and says, "Don't you think you're a bit young for that?"
He slaps another hundred on the counter and says, "I want one of your women."
The madam says, "Okay have a seat, she'll be down in about twenty minutes."
He slaps another hundred on the counter and says, "She has to have active herpes."
The madam starts to sputter and asks why, but he slaps another hundred on the counter and says, "Active herpes."
She responds, "Okay have a seat - it'll be about ten minutes." Ten minutes later, a woman comes out, they go upstairs (dragging this dead frog) and do their deal.
As he's leaving, the madam asks him, "Okay why did you want someone with active herpes?"
The kid replies, more...

"I am sorry, madam, but I shall have to charge you hundred dollars for pulling your boy''s tooth."

"Hundred dollars! Why, I understood you to say that you charged only twenty dollars for such work!"

"Yes," replied the dentist, "but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared out four other patients out of the office."

The newly-wed wife of a cricketer said to the sports shop keeper:' I'd like a hundred runs, please'

'A hundred runs?' he replied, mystified.

'For my husband's birthday,' she said' It's something he's always wanted!'

Jack went to see a psychiatrist. "Doc, I think I'm going crazy and you just have to help me. Every time I get into bed, I think there's someone under it. I get under the bed, and I think there's someone on top of it. Top, under, top, under, over and over again."
"Put yourself in my hands for one year," the doctor said. "Come to see me three times a week and I will cure your fears."
"How much do you charge, doctor?" Jack asked.
"My fee is one hundred dollars per visit," replied the doctor.
"I'll think about it, doc," Jack said.
Several months later, the doctor met Jack on the street. "Why didn't you come back to see me again?" asked the doctor.
"For a hundred dollars a visit?" Jack exclaimed. "A bartender cured me for a mere ten dollars."
"Really? How did he do that?" the doctor asked.
"He told me to cut the legs of the bed!" Jack replied.

A keen country lad applied for a salesman's job at a city department store. In fact it was the biggest store in the world - you could get anything there. The boss asked him, "Have you ever been a salesman before?", Yes, I was a salesman in the country", said the lad.

The boss liked the cut of him and said, "You can start tomorrow and I'll come and see you. The day was long and arduous for the young man, but finally 5: 00 came around. The boss duly fronted up and asked, "How many sales did you make today?".

"One" said the young salesman.

"Only one?" blurted the boss. "Most of my staff make 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale worth??.

"Three hundred thousand, three hundred and thirty four dollars" said the young man.

"How did you manage that?" asked the flabbergasted boss.

"Well", said the salesman "this man came in and I more...

A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row !!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: (looking shocked) oh, you meant with one guy...